The dirty truth about helping our kids out in the bathroom

Our two naïve and curious boys, ages 3 and 5 are full of energy and explore their worlds primarily via their hands. One would question the functionality of their vision due to this constant need to “see” everything through touching. It’s as if they’re reading the Braille on all objects within their grasp.

There is however, one thing they don’t like to get their hands on. And that is when it comes to wiping their own rears after “evacuating.”

We have taught them both how to do it, but quite honestly, I prefer to do it myself when my son says he has “slippery” ones. I cannot stomach dealing with the consequences of a mess-up.

Teaching a kid how to feed himself with utensils and spilling or dripping a little on himself is part of the learning curve, but a kid “soiling” himself a little in an honest attempt to clean his own backside is A WHOLE OTHER WORLD!

Frankly, it’s just gross and I’d do anything to avoid cleaning dirty toilet seats and rinsing out stained underwear after the fact. Eewww! I feel ashamed for saying this but, once they are over 6 months, cleaning their poops in any capacity is reason enough for projectile vomiting.

Moms should help her little boys and girls with their “evacuation hygiene” until her child is self-aware and private about his naked-ness- or until he is totally confident and mature enough to take this genre of cleanliness seriously.

Another variable related to this issue must be taken into consideration-

The world is crazy. A savvy parent these days must be suspicious of everyone when it comes to the protection of their children.

My boys are super friendly, outgoing and way too trusting and therefore, I cannot trust them alone in public restrooms. This forces us to address this topic from a new and entirely different optic.

Sorry ladies, but even if they could clean themselves, the boys are coming in with me till they are old enough and strong enough to defend themselves against a potential perpetrator.

Apologies for bringing up such an uncomfortable subject, but we gotta safeguard our kids from such disturbing realities and be proactive and pre-emptive in our way of handling such situations.

In this case, I am all for daddy taking his little girls into a men’s public restroom with him in order to keep them under his watchful eye.

At home, I think it becomes primarily an issue of modesty and comfort for the child. This naturally would evolve in conjunction with that child’s ability to cleanse themselves well.

But sometimes accidents happen and even an older child of 9 or 10 could have an upset stomach and need help. Heck, even an adult could have a “rough one.” There is no magic age or science here...

When it comes to my boys, hubby coaches me about how to deal when he is gone. He kinda assumes control over their bodily functions when he’s not traveling as he can relate better to their anatomy.

So, moms, here is some valuable information that I’d like to share-

When one of my sons passes out on the couch before bedtime before emptying his bladder, I have to take him asleep to pee just before I engage the “transfer to bed” maneuver. If an hour or more has gone by before I make this move, he’ll have a raging erection.

Hubby says that an erection means he DOES have to pee but cannot until it goes down. So I put him into bed and remember to go back about 30 minutes later to take him again now that “it’s” soft.

NOTE: If I don’t wait until it is completely limp, he will spray the ceiling, entire bathroom and myself included!

Likewise, I try to teach my husband about the female anatomy-

I argue that his theory of “mind over matter” is wrongfully applied to the idea of us girls “holding it in.” I explain to him all about bladder infections, yeast infections and the overall importance of girls keeping themselves “clean and dry.”

The key to success here is honest and open two-way communication between the parents and the children.

It is not a black or white issue.

“At home” is a different world than “out there” and different rules must apply.

Each kid is unique.

And every family operates by a dynamic that is a world of it’s own.

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