My kids are happily exhausted by the long fun filled and activity laden days of camp. Seriously, last night my 10 year old went to bed at 8:20 without so much as a complaint or a whine. The bedtime antics of the six-year old in which we had to set up a behavior chart to restore the sanctity of bedtime isn’t even needed anymore, as he practically begs me to go to bed.
I have very fond memories of summer camp and I too remember the delicious tiredness of a day well spent playing hard in the sun. It’s funny how we change as adults because the thought of playing on a hot field, slathering on sunscreen, not to mention having to get into a tight bathing suit, is so unappealing to me at this moment in my life. So, I have come up with my own brand of “Mommy Camp” and have filled it with lots of activities that I would find appealing. In fact, I have created an entire schedule filled with various plenaries so that you too can enjoy the dog days of summer and hone some new skills to get you through the next few months. Let me know what you think.
Opening Session: Mommy Camp: All of the Fun Without All the Kids
Guest Speaker: Tina Fey
1. Coffees Around the World
Come to a coffee taste testing and sample the finest brewed coffees from around the globe. We will provide the biscottii. BYOM-Bring Your Own Mug.
2. How to Kick Coffee Without Killing Someone
For those who are trying to kick the coffee habit (though why do you want to do that)? Here is a session to help you get over the hump, prepare you for your detox journey, and provide coping mechanisms along with a free bottle of Motrin to get your through your two-week nightmare.
3. Great Comebacks
Are you ever at a loss when arguing with your husband and think of the perfect comeback…ten minutes later? This session will help you formulate the perfect comeback on the spot. Be prepared for group interaction exercises along with some solo performance. At the end of the session, you will receive a list of snarky comebacks developed by the class, along with some oldies but goodies.
4. Which Celebrity Annoys You the Most
Are you sick of celebrities preaching on love, life and motherhood when their own lives are so screwed up? Does Angelina Jolie and her army of nannies annoy you? If so, this is the plenary for you. Go ahead, let it all out, be snarky, defensive, jealous, self-righteous, draw evil eyebrows or moustaches on celebrity photos…whatever, nobody’s judging.
5. Sleep Clinic: Having Trouble Falling Asleep?
Come to the sleep clinic where we will provide you with a Queen Size bed (all to yourself) in a cool dark, soundless room. If it’s too quiet for you, we can pipe in muffled sounds of kids arguing, doors banging, and television noise. This plenary is a three- hour session so plan your other plenaries accordingly. A small fee covers the cost of the silk pajamas, lavender spray, and complementary chocolates on the pillows.
6. What Would You Ask Mark Wahlberg? Guest Speaker: Mark Wahlberg
Let’s face it, Mark Wahlberg is even better now in his forties. This former Calvin Klein model/rapper with a bad boy reputation has grown up and is even better in his middle age years! Get to know the emotional, real and deep Mark Wahlberg, the actor with the amazing abs. This session will provide free tissues for drooling purposes.
7. Sleepercize: Exercising in Your Sleep
This is one session you won’t want to miss. Are you too tired to exercise? No fears, this session will teach you how to rev your metabolism, tone your butt, and whittle your middle all from your pillow and you don’t even have to be awake. Imagine, waking up to a brand new body? Learn the secrets of this new exercise therapy that is sweeping the nation.
8. Getting Back into the Work Force with No Skills
Have you been a stay-home mom for more than 5-years? Is your diploma as a Ph.D a little dusty? Did you decide that you didn’t want to be a brain surgeon anymore because motherhood was calling and now your are rusty and non-competitive in the job market? Don’t worry, this is the session for you. We will provide you with a plethora of employment opportunities to help you get back into the work force. Some choices include, opening a cupcakery, personal trainer, creative director of lipstick colors…just to name a few.
9. Mini-Van Makeover: What do You Drive When You No Longer Drive a Van?
Are you freaking out about what car to drive afte you get rid of the mini-van? For most moms, this is a true identity crisis because the mini-van is the hub of daily life, or, as we like to call it…Mom Headquarters (MHQ). It is the basis for all school and after school activities, it’s the vehicle where we teach our children the daily nuggets of life, and it is a surrogate kitchen. But, what happens for those individuals who no longer require the use of a mini-van? The next car represents the next phase of life…your kids are old enough to drive themselves and no longer need you. This session will provide you with the tools to make an informed decision on the statement you want to make about yourself with your new car.
*Each participant will take a personality test where results where will be reviewed by a licensed car dealer with a specialty in car personality disorders/transitions.
Come join us at Mommy Camp...Can't wait to see you there.