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** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.

 

** When you travel with kids, it's a trip.  When you travel without them, it's a vacation.

 

** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick.  Probably.

 

** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole dance.

 

** I am not a water park lover.

 

** Wet soccer cleats smell like cat piss.

 

** Mother Nature could use a Valium.

 

** It's much easier to open a bottle of wine when you have a bottle opener.

 

** My key chain needs a bottle opener.

 

** @marymac is even cooler in person than she is online.

 

** There are actually vending machines that take credit cards!  Who knew??!!

 

** Bad cell phone reception makes me homicidal.

 

** So does a snoring husband.

 

** Bras aren't all they're cracked up to be.

 

** The "off" switch on my children seems to be broken.

 

** I could open up a damn petting zoo with all the pets we now own.

 

** If you pee, they will come.

 

** Kids would rather decorate with toothpaste than brush with it.

 

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

 

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK? LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW!!! >>

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