** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.


** When you travel with kids, it's a trip.  When you travel without them, it's a vacation.


** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick.  Probably.


** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole dance.


** I am not a water park lover.


** Wet soccer cleats smell like cat piss.


** Mother Nature could use a Valium.


** It's much easier to open a bottle of wine when you have a bottle opener.


** My key chain needs a bottle opener.


** @marymac is even cooler in person than she is online.


** There are actually vending machines that take credit cards!  Who knew??!!


** Bad cell phone reception makes me homicidal.


** So does a snoring husband.


** Bras aren't all they're cracked up to be.


** The "off" switch on my children seems to be broken.


** I could open up a damn petting zoo with all the pets we now own.


** If you pee, they will come.


** Kids would rather decorate with toothpaste than brush with it.


** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.



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