** If you think they might spill it, they absolutely, most definitely will spill it.


** My blood is a molotov cocktail of Allegra, Singulair and Advil.


** It may feel like lice, but sometimes, it's just dry scalp.


** Bangin' your forehead on a granite countertop is not as exciting as it may sound.


** It's a whole lot easier to read your watch if it's right-side up.


** Rain makes even my alarm clock wanna sleep in late.


** Somebody is CLEARLY fast-forwarding the time that my children are in school during the day.


** I really really love a clean house (even if it only lasts for five minutes).


** Not even Calgon can take me away at this point.


** My kids just LOVE to have a giant meltdown when we're running late for something (which is pretty much always).


** If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it might actually just be a drunken idiot.


** I'm evidently all out of Chill Pills, dammit!


** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.




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