** Skid marks can suck it.
** If you can drive five REALLY loud eight-year-old girls without wrecking the car, you can do just about anything.
** I think I'm gonna make it easier on myself and just give everyone access to my bank account this Christmas.
** Stupidity is what makes the world go round (or at least it seems that way lately.)
** I can deck one helluva mean hall, my friends.
** My son doesn't have a single sense of urgency whatsoever.
** Alec Baldwin REALLY likes to play "Words With Friends."
** Santa seriously needs to put a personal assistant under my tree this year.
** You are SOL when your kid figures out how to set random alarms on your iPhone. (Hello, 4 AM!!!)
** Our old Elf on the Shelf was packed away in the Halloween decorations. Obviously.
** Walking around a crowded mall with your fly open is a tad bit humbling.
** People who put antlers on their car in December frighten me.
** Blagojevich was FINALLY forced to swallow a little bit of his enormous ego.
** Every store in America suddenly becomes a toy store extraordinaire at holiday time.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK??? >>