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** Skinny celebrities who say they get their cardio by "chasing their kids around" are more full of shit than my backyard.

** I don't have a few new leaves to turn over -- I have a whole damn PILE.

** Victoria's Secret catalogs that arrive in the dead of January when we're all a little heftier from the holidays can suck it.

** Some other famous person needs to have a baby so we can stop freaking talking about Beyonce & Jay-Z.

** If anyone ever needs to know when it's 3 AM, just ask my bladder.  It always knows.

** This household's ship would sink faster than the Titanic without me.

** It really sucks to complete a 1,000 piece puzzle and realize you only have 999 pieces.

** A snowstorm coinciding with your husband coming back from a long business trip makes for seriously sucky timing.

** Bears have sure got the right idea, what with the hibernating and all.

** If I live to be even a fraction as cool as Betty White, I will be one very happy old lady.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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