** Skinny celebrities who say they get their cardio by "chasing their kids around" are more full of shit than my backyard.
** I don't have a few new leaves to turn over -- I have a whole damn PILE.
** Victoria's Secret catalogs that arrive in the dead of January when we're all a little heftier from the holidays can suck it.
** Some other famous person needs to have a baby so we can stop freaking talking about Beyonce & Jay-Z.
** If anyone ever needs to know when it's 3 AM, just ask my bladder. It always knows.
** This household's ship would sink faster than the Titanic without me.
** It really sucks to complete a 1,000 piece puzzle and realize you only have 999 pieces.
** A snowstorm coinciding with your husband coming back from a long business trip makes for seriously sucky timing.
** Bears have sure got the right idea, what with the hibernating and all.
** If I live to be even a fraction as cool as Betty White, I will be one very happy old lady.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>