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** Bloating and cramping are God's way of saying, "Sucks to be you!!!"

** Giselle Bundchen needs to be introduced to the wonderful world of duct tape.

** A rotten bag of mushrooms makes your entire refrigerator smell like skunk asshole.

** My kids will disagree, but 9:00 PM is NOT snack or party time (unless you're over thirty).

** Math assignments that involve magazines or newspapers can bite me.

** If I'm deaf by the time I'm forty-five, I'm totally blaming motherhood.

** Nobody seems to notice a giant boombox in the middle of the stairwell.  Except my big toe, that is.

** Every day seems to be a battle between whether to work out or to take a nap.

** Cupcakes make a shitty day a little less shitty.

** My husband would never ever pass third grade spelling.

** The dog food bin is TOTALLY the best place to hide Lego creations.  Evidently.

** Reality tends to trump willpower nearly every single time.

** No matter how hard I try, I'm always as late as a pregnant chick's period.

** The fact that Mean Mom is the only one who's around when it's way past bedtime is completely lost on my children.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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