** We actually made it to the beginning of the school year without my kids stabbing each other!!


** New backpacks make everything more exciting.


** My son can evidently make his leg fart.  (I'm so proud.)


** I can't even watch the previews for scary movies anymore.


** I'm raising the king and queen of bedtime procrastination.


** It helps to remember that there's always someone with a messier house than you.


** The media is harder up for Kim Kardashian's big-ass wedding (*pun intended*) than a thirteen-year-old boy is for a Playboy magazine.


** Texting is WAY better than talking on the phone.


** Bribery and child labor are the keys to successful parenting.  Just sayin'.


** Mothers just don't have time to be sick.  Like ever.


** Earplugs and duct tape are an absolute must for driving carpools.


** I'm once again a walking, talking human ATM machine.


** Nothing gives you a self-induced heart attack quite like accidentally setting off your own home security system.


** While my kids sure know how to stone-cold harden my heart, they also know how to melt it like butter.


** I really suck at being put on the spot.


** Children and Sharpies do NOT belong together.


** An overcrowded community swimming pool is best referred to as "people soup".


** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.



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