** If I had a dollar for every item on my to-do list, I could pay someone to do all the items on my to-do list.
** I'd like to punch my 40-year-old hormones in the face.
** Bringing a bag of Starburst into this house is like tossing a chicken into a lion's den.
** The penis enlargement emails I keep getting are totally helpful for my nonexistent penis.
** Kate Middleton's preparing for the Queen's Jubilee, while I'm cleaning up dog shit. Life is so fair.
** Nobody seems to realize that Nice Mama checks out at 8:00 PM so that Mean Mama can check in.
** My back feels like my kids stepped on about a gazillion cracks.
** Close talkers should at least have the common courtesy to pop in a piece of gum before getting all up in your business.
** Sangria and Summer go together like hookers and heels.
** Sometimes it really is just better to play dumb.
** There are only FIVE more days left of school (yikes -- God help us all).
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>