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** Nobody ever forewarns you about all the skid marks of motherhood (and I do mean that LITERALLY).

 

** My kids have more energy than Richard Simmons on cocaine.

 

** Screaming is evidently my son's new favorite hobby.

 

** I sure know how to waste a crapload of time.

 

** Sleeping with the window open totally rocks.

 

** Boogers are NOT meant for sharing (Did ya hear that, kids???!!!)

 

** There are entirely too many cute fall boots for sale.

 

** If I had a dollar for every question I've answered lately, I could afford to pay someone to answer all the questions I've been asked lately.

 

** "Goodfellas" never ever gets old, no matter how many bazillion times I watch it.

 

** I really need an adult vacation.  Like far, far away.

 

** Grocery shopping with children should be avoided at any and all costs.

 

** If you trip while out in public and think no one noticed, they did.  They ALWAYS do.

 

** I'm 39 years old and STILL doing spelling homework.  WTF??!!

 

** If a man looks like a gang of pubes have collected on his chin, he should probably think twice about sportin' a beard.  Just sayin'.

 

** Mom guilt is seriously trying to kick my ass.

 

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

 

WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK?  TELL ME BELOW IN THE COMMENTS!! >>

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