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** I really need to fertilize my money tree cause damn, life is expensive right now.

** My kids purposely slow down to a turtle-like pace whenever I tell them to hurry up.

** When people say, "It can't get worse than this", it almost ALWAYS does.

** Listening to crap drip out of your kitchen ceiling is not a pleasant sound.

** Hormones are your body's way of reminding you that mood swings are about as predictable as the weather.

** Sandwiches taste so much better when somebody else makes them.

** It takes an incredible amount of self-restraint to not drop f-bombs in public.

** Lionel Richie still makes me wanna dance on the ceiling.  (Don't judge me.)

** Somebody really needs to come up with a bullshit immunization.

** Boy bands who synchronize their every movement on stage creep me out.

** A fugitive could be hiding in our playroom, and we'd never find him in all the mess.

** Back to school bedtime is going to kick this family's ass.

** Goatdog apparently likes to eat guinea pig food.  And guinea pigs.

** A glass of wine with your girlfriend on a random Thursday afternoon can turn a shitty day into a pretty darn decent one.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

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