** I really need to fertilize my money tree cause damn, life is expensive right now.
** My kids purposely slow down to a turtle-like pace whenever I tell them to hurry up.
** When people say, "It can't get worse than this", it almost ALWAYS does.
** Listening to crap drip out of your kitchen ceiling is not a pleasant sound.
** Hormones are your body's way of reminding you that mood swings are about as predictable as the weather.
** Sandwiches taste so much better when somebody else makes them.
** It takes an incredible amount of self-restraint to not drop f-bombs in public.
** Lionel Richie still makes me wanna dance on the ceiling. (Don't judge me.)
** Somebody really needs to come up with a bullshit immunization.
** Boy bands who synchronize their every movement on stage creep me out.
** A fugitive could be hiding in our playroom, and we'd never find him in all the mess.
** Back to school bedtime is going to kick this family's ass.
** Goatdog apparently likes to eat guinea pig food. And guinea pigs.
** A glass of wine with your girlfriend on a random Thursday afternoon can turn a shitty day into a pretty darn decent one.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>