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** I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to myself.  *itch*  *scratch* *sniff*

** Erectile dysfunction commercials make me really uncomfortable.

** School supply kits should come with Advil and wine so parents can deal with all the homework meltdowns.

** Only the assholes of the world should be able to get cancer.

** The smoke alarms in our house are no doubt possessed.

** That early bird can choke on the freaking worm for all I care.

** A family of monkeys would be neater than my kids when it comes to eating.

** A one-sided conversation is about as much fun as a pap smear.

** Just because it's trendy doesn't mean that EVERYBODY should be wearing it.

** Finding a giant spider in your hair right before bed is a helluva way to end the day.

** Everyone should have a place to call her own -- even if it's under the bed where her children can't find her.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

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