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** Octomom doing porn is the same as an old man doing naked jumping jacks — NOBODYwants to see that shit!!!!!

** Hearing your kids tell you that you’re beautiful is one of the greatest perks of parenting.

** Morgan Freeman could say that 2+2=3, and I’d believe him with that amazing voice of his.

** Planning carpools is a migraine in the making.

** Sitting next to the fittest person at the pool is like driving a clunker next to a Ferrari.

** I simply do not have enough time to watch all my trashy t.v. shows.

** Being woken up fifteen minutes before your alarm goes off is surely the devil’s way of flipping you the bird.

** I appreciate the hell out of the five whole minutes my house is clean.

** I’ll never understand why kids get up at the ass crack of dawn when they have a friend sleep over.

** Finding the dog munching on your daughter’s retainer is NOT a good way to start off the day.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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