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** I don't fit into an elementary school desk quite like I did back in the day.

 

** "Pocket Frogs" for the iPhone has totally possessed my kids.

 

** Dark chocolate has totally possessed me.

 

** Charlie Sheen finally realized that he was not, in fact, winning.  (Or so he says....)

 

** If it ain't broke, don't fix it -- unless, of course, it's the wine opener.

 

** "Because I said so" isn't as effective as it used to be.

 

** There are way too many uptight people in this world.

 

** I need to make a list of all the lists I need to make.

 

** "Death by Homework" will likely be the title of my obituary.

 

** I may very well be going to Hell after bitching about an old lady's driving skills who turned out to be a NUN.

 

** It would be all kinds of awesome if I could actually do the 10,000 things at once that my kids think I can do.

 

** My son keeps more crap in his bed than Hugh Hefner.

 

** I'm evidently raising aliens from a planet that requires no sleep whatsoever.

 

** Hot apple cider tea is my new fall treat to myself.

 

** These kids need to stop growing out of all their damn clothes every season!

 

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

 

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN? LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW & TELL ME!!! >>

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