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** I'm the only one here that seems to know that the floor is not a trash can.

** Shrinky Dinks may be the dumbest art project ever invented.

** I really don't need to know WHY there's a streak of poo on the side of the toilet.

** "Make Your Own Pizza Night" is really just my way of saying, "Fix Your Own Damn Dinner!!!"

** The dog needs a serious dose of Xanax.  (So he can share some with me.)

** My daughter's gym shoes smell like a skunk rolled in vomit.

** Removing a pan from the oven with a potholder hurts way less than with your hand.

** Ryan Lochte and his six-pack are full of all kinds of yumminess.

** Somebody invited ants to the party, and it sure as hell wasn't me.

** A hazmat suit needs to become part of my wardrobe.

** My kids have more excuses than a cheating husband when it comes to bedtime.

** Being organized seems like a whole lotta work.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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