** Straws make everything taste better.
** "Everybody hurts" when you post pictures of your penis. (Did you hear that, Michael Stipe??!!)
** Embarrassing moments hunt me down like a bear in the woods.
** My wallet and a book fair are a dangerous combination.
** The volume of kids' voices immediately goes to full max when dining in a restaurant.
** I can't remember the last time I woke up refreshed and ready to go.
** The spiders are all Lou Ferrigno-sized around here.
** It's really hard to relax on the couch when the dog's dropping butt bombs all over the family room.
** You can hear hear my husband's snoring even with a pillow smothering his face. (Uh...not that I've done that or anything....)
** Topping my "Asses to Kick" list is my super skinny esophagus.
** My daughter's soccer bag smells like something rolled around in rotting trash and then died at the bottom of it.
** You know it's a slow news day when Matt Lauer's talking about a cat that traveled cross country.
** My allergies have made me their bitch.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK? LEAVE A COMMENT & TELL ME!!! >>