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** I'm not sure why people are so surprised that a guy named "Weiner" likes to show off his junk.

** Goatdog drinks water like he's bobbing for apples.

** A good night's sleep is totally wasted on the young.

** I'm about to get all Tony Montana with the fruit fly situation in my house.

** It's really hard to relax in a backyard that smells like urine.

** Pigs will learn to fly before I ever remember to take in my own bags at the grocery store.

** People who only talk about themselves sound like the Charlie Brown teacher to me.

** In a battle between a bike and my legs, I'm putting my money on the bike.

** Kate Middleton looks better after giving birth than I did on my wedding day.

** Naming a blind dog Stevie Wonder is pure genius.

** I don't even remember the last time I woke up feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

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