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** Nothing says true love like having to ask your spouse how long you've been married.

** If a black cat runs in front of you, just pretend like it didn't.

** Kids ask why even when they don't give a rat's ass about the answer.

** You know times are tough when Dee Snider is doing commercials for Stanley Steemer.

** Listening to a group of third graders talk with phony British accents is not at all annoying.

** Contrary to some people's beliefs, the alley behind my house is NOT the Autobahn.

** Tom Cruise in "Rock of Ages" is like a dead fly in your soup.

** I could be a professional procrastinator.

** Feeding dinner to five crazy rugrats is wilder than Bourbon Street on Fat Tuesday.

** I'd bet money that there's a squirrel mafia in my neighborhood.

** People who think they wrote the book on parenting are most likely oblivious to the fact that their kids are complete assholes.

** School cannot seriously be out for the summer in just two weeks, CAN IT??!!

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

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