** Half days of school are only awesome if you're a kid or a teacher. Or bat shit crazy.
** Birthdays are chock-full of calories.
** Sometimes it's better to pretend like you don't know your family.
** The front of my car is attracted to jackasses who don't drive the speed limit.
** Nothing says I love you quite like a child farting in your face.
** Rockin' good hold music does not make being on hold for THIRTY FREAKING MINUTES any more enjoyable.
** You could make more money at a lemonade stand than you could as a Colombian prostitute.
** I'm 99.9% certain that my son loves Minecraft more than me.
** Ya just gotta love a little old lady who knows how to drop an f-bomb.
** It's hard to tackle your to-do list when your to-do list has tackled you.
** I often feel I have just a little bit too much in common with Raggedy Ann.
** A giggle a day keeps the nut house away.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>