** Every time I try to be the early bird, my kids have already beaten me to the damn worm.
** The apple doesn't fall far from the tree since my son evidently also writes "notes to self".
** I'm a little obsessed with Thymes Frasier Fir line for the holidays.
**After living with a Movember participant for an entire month, I realize I could never have dated a 70's porn star.
** My nostrils haven't breathed properly since 2009.
** The lent trap in my dryer is hiring a hooker -- you never know what you're gonna find.
** Public poops are a given with these offspring of mine.
** The "express" lane at the grocery store is a big fat freaking lie.
** After a really LONG day, I don't know whether to wipe up or lick up wine that's spilled on the couch.
** Our Elf on the Shelf has left the building. Seriously, I can't find the little bastard anywhere.
** Christmas would be a lot easier if I could shoot money out my butt (a la an ATM).
** Mothballs should really be called "shitballs" since that's what they smell like.
** Stress be damned; Andy Williams was right on -- it really IS the most wonderful time of the year.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK? LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW & YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A $25 iTunes GIFT CARD!! I'LL RANDOMLY SELECT & ANNOUNCE 2 WINNERS NEXT WEDNESDAY (12/7). >>