I love sharing Harvey Mackay articles... but I swear on all things lovely and amazing that I had an epiphany while reading this one so it's quite special to me. Like most people, I enjoy spending time with my husband and friends. As my 30th year is slowly inching closer to my 31st, I feel like I'm getting closer to the woman I want to be with each passing day and so grateful to be genuinely happy. I'm so thankful for all of life's little situations and moments where you have to trust your gut, make choices and make things happen. This article helped shed light on a sticky situation that happened last year and helped me realize a couple of things.
Harvey Mackay: Lou Holtz's Three Rules of Life:
"Everybody needs four things in life: Something to do, someone to love, someone to believe in and something to hope for." I wish I had said that, but it is from my friend Lou Hotlz, the author, motivational speaker, sportscaster and retired football coach. I recently invited Lou to speak to a professional group I am mentoring, and was his usual outstanding self. I've heard him speak 100 times, and he still amazes me with his practical, down-to-earth and simple advice. For example, we have all kinds of rules and laws. We've got federal law, state laws, corporate laws, bylaws... you name it. Holtz simplifies things by following three simple rules:
Rule #1 - Do right. "Just do the right thing," Lou says. "We've all done dumb things and wish we hadn't done them, but you can't go through life with an albatross around your neck saying, "I made a mistake." Say you're sorry, make amends and move on." He added: "I think it's wrong to be bitter. We all have a reason to be bitter. We've all had injustices done to us by society, by a spouse, by a friend, but you can't go through life being bitter. We're always blaming someone else. Wherever we are, it's because of the choices we make."
Rule #2 - Do everything to the best of your ability with the time allotted. Lou says: "Not everybody will bean All-American. Not everybody will be first team. Not everybody will be great. But everybody can do the best they can with the time allotted.
Rule #3 - Show people you care. I have seen this rule in action many times. Lou is constantly asking people, "How can I help you? How can I assist you?" He means it. He has a burning desire to help people.
Lou Holtz says he can get by with only three rules because the people you meet have three basic questions:
The first question: Can I trust you?
"Without trust, there is no relationship," Lou said. "Without trust, you don't have a chance. People have to trust you. They have to trust your product. The only way you can ever get trust is if both sides do the right thing.
The second question: Are you committed to excellence?
Lou explained, "When you call on a customer, you send a message that you are committed to certain standards. How much do you know about your company and what opportunities
The third question: Do you care about me?
Holtz said: "Do you care about me, and what happens if your product doesn't do what it's intended to do? Caring about people is not making their life easy. Caring about people is not being their friend. Caring about people is enabling them to be successful."
A few years ago I was asked to help raise money for a Lou Holtz statue at the University of Notre Dame. On the pedestal, his players had chosen three words - trust, love, commitment. If people follow these three rules, their self confidence grows. They don't worry when the phone rings. They have no doubt about what they are doing. They lift everyone up in their organization. These rules help hold organizations together.
Holtz finished with an exercise. He asked us to pick two people: Someone you love, admire and respect, and someone you've got a problem with. Ask these three questions about both people. You should answer a simple Yes or No.
"I guarantee you, the person you admire and respect, you said yes to all three questions," Holtz said. "The person you've got a problem with, you pinpointed the problem. Either you can't trust them, they aren't committed or they don't care."
When you have a problem with someone who falls into these three categories, you have to decide if you can change it or live with it. If you can't do either, your only other choice - and probably the right choice - is to divorce yourself from the problem or individual.
Mackay's Moral: Life is a lot easier if you always play by the rules.
I did this exercise myself. My husband was my choice for admiration and respect, very easily a Yes for all three. Now, I don't have enemies... but I know there is a girl out there who did something unkind to me behind my back. I chose her as the person I have a "problem with". As I was reading this a few things stood out. Most importantly, I realized that she probably did what she did because I was on the reverse of these questions for her.
Rule #3 - Show people you care. When her little incident happened, my husband and I did not show we cared. Honestly, most people would've done the exact same thing we did because she was so mean to me BUT looking back, I think we should have 'showed them we cared' sooner. Because we were getting married in a couple of weeks, we told them a sit-down would have to wait. One night, very last minute before our wedding, they invited us over one more time and we went. It was the worst timing ever. We were exhausted, everything they were saying did not match what happened, they ended up spouting off things they hated about us. It was terrible. We didn't fight back either, mostly because we felt they were proving us right. It didn't help that we all had different expectations. At the end, she told me to eff off and that pretty much sealed the deal. We uninvited them from our wedding. Which sucks just as bad as you'd guess.
This couple is fantastic, young and beautiful. The gal is dramatic but I liked her from the moment I met her. She's a firecracker, like me. We all shared some really great memories. I think we could have at least met with them sooner, right after the incident... to show that we cared. We at least owed them that.
TRUST - I think if she did this exercise she would pinpoint the same 'issue' for me - Trust. Once this little string of misunderstandings happened and escalated, all trust was gone. On both ends. Have I forgiven her? Yes. I think even she realized how she handled herself during our sit-down was immature and probably unlike her. I definitely think she learned from the situation, I also learned a lot from the situation, and we made the Holtz choice to divorce ourselves from the individuals. Although this little situation has modified our circle of friends, I am so thankful for the opportunity to learn and make new friends from it. I have no hard feelings, I only wish the best for her and new venture.
I have loved every minute of being 30. The thing I love about getting older is not over analyzing, having regrets or living in the past - but reflecting on it, learning lessons and moving forward. My heart is light! I look forward to turning 31 in a couple months!