Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT
This scenario is all too common. Recognize it? Is this your household? 5:30 hits, the kids are cranky, singing loudly, asking questions, pushing siblings, the kitchen is hot and steaming with chicken baking in the oven while you answer the phone and say, “I can’t hear you, I’m a mom.”
It’s no secret that moms have a hard time finding time for themselves, let alone finding time to reconnect with their spouse. Many moms tend to accept the role as #3 on the family totem pole, with the order being, kids first, hubby second and then herself last. No wonder moms feel so isolated and burnt out. Does a mom really have to have an empty nest before she can properly take care of herself? What message does that send her kids? Romi Lassally, the author of the new book, True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real, says, “We need to follow the airlines instructions and assist ourselves first so we can be there for others.”
As the author of Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva, I certainly know that moms spend very little time nurturing themselves or taking time away from the family for mommy cherishing activities.
Who said that once we become a mom that we shouldn’t indulge in mommy confidence building moments? Moms need confidence and balance to be a good parent and wife. A burnt out mommy is NOT a good thing. Moms need help more than kids do. How can a mom care-take her family if she is not taking care of herself?
I’m a real nice mom when I’m not running the rat race. If I get sucked in to over-scheduling or try to handle too much at once I begin to feel the mean mommy come out. Who wants a mean mommy?
I make a point to set up what I call, “Happy Hour Speed Date” with my husband. I arrange a sitter to come over from 5-7 pm to watch the kids. My husband and I enjoy a lovely time at one of the local bars flirting, eating and reconnecting. We have made this a regular routine that we try to do a few times a month. We come home from our speed date by 7:30 tuck our little tikes into bed and feel great that everybody wins!
Making a conscious effort to take time for your self is essential for good mothering. A happy woman makes a happy mom and a happy wife.