Have you ever read a news article from your local newspaper that made you literally *face palm*?
I had one of those moments this morning!
I sit down and start digging through my
massive amounts of email and Facebook posts and run across an article that left me speechless.
For those of you that would like to read the actual article feel free to follow "this here" linky-link and settle in for a good laugh.
For those of you
too lazy to that don't want to read the link and would rather hear it from my point of view continue reading :) I promise it gets good!
WARNING: This post will contain A TON of what I like to call Hick language...I will do my best to translate this into English as I go :) I have to say it was very difficult for me to consistently write in "hick"...so I hope you guys enjoy it! Please comment below and let me know what you think!
First off, I would like to say a big ol' WELCOME TO HICK-VILLE YA'LL!
Welcome to our town you guys!
This here town has round 'bout 8 thousand folk livin' in des' here parts, an' ya'll that makes us perdy darn small. Round here we perdy much know er'body an' er'body know us! 'At's just how we like it!
This basically says that we have a population of 8 thousand people and we wouldn't have it any other way.
We sure do like ta help each other out an' tend ta go out of er way ta get thangs done. Some people even went so-fars ta help get a jobless guy a scooter. It was a down right perdy good thang ta do for that there fellar.
Because we are such a small and close knit community, we help one another out to the best of our ability. Some women that were a little scared, for good reason, to stop and talk to the man they saw walking everyday, took it upon themselves to get together on Facebook and raise the money to get the guy a scooter so that he could get around town to find a job more easily. I linked to the story if you are interested in reading it.
Round here there be all sorts of fun thangs to get in ta. Folk roun-cheer likes ta hunt an' fish, we gots us a nice big ol' lake o'er there. Guess what gone an' done happened...some ol' bird done gone an' seen that dang ol' Nessie in that there lake.
She done gone an' let uder folk know what she done seen! Course theys ain't believed her an' had to hop on the chopper n check it out demselves. D'em folk done did get som good dang pictures o' dat der thang. A few folk called for the po-po and bambulances to come.
Photo by Jay Nester (taken from the link above)
Around here we love to do a lot of things, however, hunting and fishing are the most popular. We have a very large lake that people often partake in the usual fun activities. The other day a lady walking across the bridge glanced over and noticed something strange. It looked almost like a creature in the water. Soon a large crowd of people came to see, some even took pictures and called the authorities. FYI by chopper they don't mean motorcycle...around here people have been known to regularly ride their lawn mowers around town.
Loch Ness Monster photo
Photo by Jay Nester (taken from the link above)
Som of dem der people done gone an' say it was Nessie! They ain't no dang way 'at's Nessie! 'At dang ol' lake ain't big 'nough! 'Cus a 'at, we done gone an' gived it a name...Prestwood Pete! Kinda catchy ain't it?
Some of the bystanders believed that this was the Loch Ness Monster. I don't believe that this is possible, our lake simply isn't big enough for the Loch Ness Monster to live in it. So our town residents decided to give this monster a name of it's own: Prestwood Pete.
I's thank 'at dis here monster be da Lizard Man. He done gone and moved from Bishopville! Dem folk out dere done gone an' runned him off. 'Sides, dis here lake be nice an' warm in most spots 'cus of da plant runnin inta it. I's bet he thanks he done gone an' found hims a hots tub thangy! Whoo-wee! I's bet he is ones happy monster out der. But dem dere folk living on da lake needs to be careful...he's gon' gets hungee som point. Bet' getcha golf balls rady.
I believe that this monster may be the famous Lizard Man from Bishopville. Maybe he decided that he didn't like it out there anymore and wanted to find a new home. Our lake is formed by the Power Plant and thus has a few "hot" spots that he may enjoy. I want to warn the people that live on the lake because he may get hungry and go looking for food. Apparently, these bystanders believe golf balls would be an appropriate weapon against such invasions.
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Lizard Man of Bishopville, I have provided a few videos and links below to fill you in on his history. The Lizard Man has even caused shows such as Fact or Faked to visit our little area. (I COULDN'T GET THE VIDEOS TO LOAD ON HERE BUT YOU CAN VIEW THEM ON MY BLOG!)
Unfortunately, I'm not exaggerating or kidding at all in any of the above story. People around here really do speak that way and they really did believe that what I am almost positive is a stump, that has been in that exact place in our lake for years, was something similar to the Loch Ness Monster.
After reading this news article I have to admit that a large part of me is now ashamed of my small little town. How is it that when the News or a TV show come around they manage to find the most redneck or rednecks to interview?!? Seriously...watch the episode of Fact or Faked. I almost cried I was laughing so hard.
Sadly, during most of Fact or Faked's time in our small area...they had to use captions so people would know what they were saying!! Oh my goodness! Is it sad that I could totally understand it all?
Guess what I am trying to say is:
Welcome to Hick-Ville...POPULATION ME!!
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