Come on, we have ALL went there a time or few in our lives. You know, the time when something unexpected happens out of blue or when you look at certain family members behavior and try to convince yourself you were adopted. Yes, those times :) You may not say it out loud, but our hearts proclaim it over and over again. Doubt screams it the loudest.
I can look back over my own life and trace those thoughts. That feeling can be one of confusion and despair especially if our hearts have been hurt or feelings deeply bruised. We all know that as we get older, we can grow a bit wiser. But more importantly, as I get older, I have not only gotten wiser but closer in my relationship with Christ. Recently I've had the unique experience of seeing God connect the dots in my life. You know the dots where I thought he'd lost it or I didn't understand what he was doing or allowing certain things to happen. These recent experiences have truly corrected my vision when things don't go as planned or happen the way I like.
So I started a magazine, but that wasn't exactly MY plan for my life. I always figured that since I couldn't keep my mouth shut growing up and I was a pretty good case arguer (mainly for myself) that I would make a pretty sweet lawyer. I've always had a knack for making money & resourcefulness, so owning a business wasn't far fetched, but really owning something of this capacity, not so much. My life sorta went like this: Born to minister parents, grew up serving in ministry, outspoken oldest child (often landed me in trouble), led my first solo at 5, involved in school choirs through college, took media and journalism classes in Jr. high, actively involved in FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America), part of Jr. League (Learned etiquette), won multiple scholarships by writing essays, wrote for my school papers, and ultimately graduated with a BA in Communication. After looking at that list, why was I surprised that God would lead me to start this magazine!! I'll tell you why. Like anybody else life happened. I got outside of God's will, got pregnant outside of marriage, got married at 19 and we lost 3 babies, had to wait 10 years to actually get my degree, was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, devastated by my parents divorce, almost ended up divorced myself, and pretty much thought my time had passed for God to really use me. Not to mention all of the ugly mess he had allowed to come my way or I'd gotten into by my own accord. I love this scripture: "Can anything GOOD come out of Nazareth..." John 1:46. My life at certain points was Nazareth and I struggled to see the good that could come out of it. I often wondered, WHAT WAS GOD THINKING!!! It is so easy to believe Satan and his lies that tell us once we fail or go through certain things that we can't ever be used by God again. But now I look back at every accomplishment, every struggle, every learned skill, talent, and gift and how God has woven it together like a fine tapestry to create ME! Me the loving mom, me the big sister, me the better wife, me the philanthropist, me the worship team leader, me the speaker, me the business woman, and me the Magazine Owner. I know that when I questioned God about my ability to start this magazine he answered me like the Preggo slogan and said, "It's in there".
"For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). I've learned that it is truly not my place to worry, figure it out, doubt, or out think God. Honestly, it's just not possible! However it is possible to trust his plan. There is not one stone that God has left un-turned in my life. He has used them or plans to use them to benefit my life or the lives of others. I can only speak for myself, but I know that God is no respect of person. We all can experience this! So instead of wondering what he is thinking in less than desirable situations, or why this or that has happened, we can wait in expectation for what he has in mind for it. He promises that it is always for our good!
In Fabulous Friday Love~