There is one thing that someone can say to me that annoys me more than anything else. Usually because of the type of questions that I ask in order to recieve this particular response, it will be coming from my partner. This then usually results in me wanting to scream with frustration as I picture bashing him round the head with a saucepan or other heavy object. What reply am I talking about? ..."When the time is right".
In our five years together, I've heard this MANY times from Jamie. Before we had Josh I would ask " When can we have a baby?" or "When are we going to talk about marriage" which would all be followed by said response. As time went by I lost all subtle, gentle probbing and regularly asked bluntly when he would finally propose (which still hasn't happened yet!) as beating around the bush wasn't getting me anywhere. The response was always the same. It was also the same when I asked about us getting new sofa's or looking at buying a bigger house. To be honest I was getting fed up of hearing "When the time is right". Will the time ever be right I used to think constantly??
I'm not actually talking about marriage now being the question of issue, because since I had Josh our relationship is a lot more secure and we are a lot stronger. I now don't feel the need for a ring to prove our commitment to each other (as much anyway) and am happily waiting for it to happen, which I'm sure it will. But it won't happen when the time is right, it will happen when Jamie has worked hard enough to save up for a Beyonce style piece of bling for my ring finger! Nothing to do with the 'right' time.
I'm refferring in general to the things we assume we have to wait for, until the time is right. New homes, more children, marriage, career changes etc. I don't believe a time is ever right. Maybe I'm wrong but my take on things is that if you wait for a time to be right it never will be, so you will wait for ever. For example when will the time be right for a new house? Well if you wait for the right time then it may never be, you may never have enough money in order to afford it, or you may have saved more money in order to afford it but your personal circumstances may have changed thus making it the 'wrong' time. See what I mean? There will never be a perfect time for something, anything in particular to happen. Something will always be there to make it a not quite so perfect time. So I guess the addequate responspe is 'whent the time is more appropriate'. Which sounds very depressing if you ask me!
Now I am far from an impulsive person. However once I get an idea in my head, if it's fathomable and I am enthusiastic enough about it, then I do it. My deep rooted need for organisation and routine stops me ever being impulsive but I do often find it difficult to slow down to the pace that my life is currently running at. With this I mean that I need to have goals, desires, aims. I need to know I'm working towards something and it's not so far in the distance that I can't see it. If I loose sight of what I want then I tend to find I am easily distracted and loose my direction. Maybe this is why when my partner says to me we will do things 'when the time is right' I get so...well, annoyed! Saying we will do something when the time is right is evading giving me a time line, it's a way of saying you want something but not desperately enough to commence working towards it immediately.
In all fairness to him, Jamie doesn't often say this anymore as he has finally understood my way of thinking. That said as I watched my son today play with my friends little boy, I began to get that maternal swoon as I pictured my son playing with his own little brother or sister. I noticed that Jamie was enjoying playing with them both together and asked the question, "when could we have another baby". I think you can guess what the answer was! To me though, realistically I know that the time isn't right now. We live too far from friends and family and our priority is moving back to our hometown in the summer and getting settled again. We also want to get married before we have another baby, but that doesn't stop my maternal instinct kicking me in the shins everyday reminding me of my yearning for another baby! With Jamie and potentially me both making a change of career after the summer, resulting in a change in income I don't know when the time will be 'right' and I worry that if Jamie is waiting for said 'right time' we will wait forever.
It's the same swings and roundabout conversation when we discuss new sofa's. We both want them, a lot. We both know we would benefit from them. We can afford them but we know we are moving in a few months so it seems pointless ordering them until we move back home. But then when we are back home, I'm sure something else will arise and make it less of a good time! I'm constantly banging my head on a brick wall! At least I don't have those unrealistic expectations of a perfect time when we are running carefree through a field, holding hands as we disappear in to the sunset. I fear to men, (ok to Jamie) in his mind this 'perfect time' he somtimes hints at is only a place that exsists in his imagination, but to him it's there and it's an actual destination. Not just a hope.
So what do you think? Does anyone have a magic wand and know when the time is right for things? Or do you agree that there will never be a 'right' time for things, only a more appropriate time (which there may not even be that). Discuss. Comment. Enjoy.
Love Chloe xxPLEASE VISIT MY BLOG www.atwentysomethingmum.blogspot.com