Will the person who invented technology please take it away from my MOM?!

Whose idea was it to create a multi functional, portable device that could easily slide into the back pocket of your most ill fitting jeans? Probably the same asshole that gave one to your mother! It took my mom a few years to grasp the concept of technology; but then one day she took a big ole bite out of Apple–and things have never been the same.

Brring! Brring! Pick up the phone... It's your MUTHA!

"Hi honey! Remember that case you got me last year when I thought I was getting an iPad for Christmas?" She began, "Well... Guess what I just bought?"

"Wow, first the iPhone, now this? Boy, you're really stepping' up your game, mom–cool! How many gigs?" I asked, not thinking about the repercussions.

"Oh for Christ's sake, what the hell is a gig?" She snapped, "Dick said it's a two. Does that answer your question?" *Sigh* "Not really, mom. Two is the generation, the gig is... Uh... You know what? Never-mind."

I could already feel my head throbbing from the technical support calls I was about to start receiving. "You're gonna have to help me figure this damn thing out, you know?" She advised, while simultaneously pressing the volume button all the way down to zero. "Lisa? Lisa? Hellooooo?" 

Mom! I can HEAR you!

I listen impatiently as she presses a few sporadic buttons and blows into the phone, "Oh for Pete's sake, what the hell is wrong with this stupid thing anyway? If you can hear me, call me back on my landline, there's something wrong with this phone! I don't know why I listened to you and bought this piece of shit in the first place. Thanks a lot!" *Click*

Brring! Brring! Pick up the phone... It's your MUTHA!

"Yes mother," I answered, while sifting through my ringtones for less obnoxious warning. "Why'd you hang up on me?" she asked, "I was calling your name, didn't you hear me?"

I spent the next fifteen minutes explaining the difference between volume, mute and END; and when I hung up the phone, I was confident that she had absolutely no idea what the hell I was talking about. Between my part-time job as personal software engineer and my full-time job as professional underachiever, my life was going nowhere. It got so bad at one point that I started using an old headset that didn't work–just so she'd get frustrated and hang up... "Honey? I can't hear a damn word you are saying. Hellooooo? Oh to hell with this, I'll just talk to you later."

The idea of texting is a brilliant one–on a grand master plan with your friends; but there's a fine line between socializing and unpaid labor... And it's high time I start getting paid for this shit.

Just kidding mom! (Not really.)

sassypiehole

Views: 19

Comment

You need to be a member of Mom Bloggers Club to add comments!

Join Mom Bloggers Club

Our newest members. Join us + 23,000 fellow mom bloggers

OUR TOP MEMBERS. PARTICIPATE TO TREND

1. Trishawna Robinson

Scarborough, Canada

2. Steph

Manchester, United Kingdom

3. Lauren Markman

Concord, NC, United States

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement

MBC CUTIES

Our current cutie was uploaded by Alea FrankwickUpload a photo of your cutie. They may be featured here. See all of the cuties.

Our Latest Food, Travel & Lifestyle Posts

Five Ways The EazyHoldUniversal Cuff Helps Kids with Special Needs Deal With Daily Living Activities

Most parents find that training their non-disabled children for life's activities is challenging enough. However, parents of physically challenged children have to be especially creative to make sure that their young people learn the daily life skills that they need to be self-sufficient. Occupational…

Building Boundaries – Building a "Swimming Pool"

As mentioned, positive parental authority is built on values such as: personal example, good communication, seeing the goals of others, seeing others, tolerance and mutual respect, each according to his own set of values. Values are part of a framework of defined and given boundaries. In order for you to…

Advertisement

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISE

© 2016   Created by Mom Bloggers Club.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service