Advertisement

OFFER

Advertisment

Our Blog

How To Improve Your Sanity During the Covid Crisis

It’s unbelievable. While it seemed that life was about to finally get back to normal with the gradual opening of states, all of a sudden an uptick in COVID-19 cases has hit the country like a tidal wave. While many governors have vowed not to completely shut down states again many are still not fully opened. And, to…

Three Start-Ups to Consider After the Covid Crisis

If your job is in flux and you are not sure if you will even be employed when the COVID-19 crisis is finally over it might be time to start thinking about being a part of a start-up. To be sure, becoming an entrepreneur during a time when everything is uncertain might not be the best time to begin a business. Sometimes,…

The Subtle Art of Moving During the Holidays

We already know that the holidays while fun can also be one of the most stressful times of the year. There are decorations that need to be hung, relatives to host, presents to buy, food to prepare and ultimately expectations to uphold. Add all of that to moving and you just might lose your mind. Never fear,…

LEARNING CORNER

Learn More About the MightyFix One Simple Change Each Month

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisment

Advertisement

Events

Important Tips to Share in Honor of April's National Child Abuse Prevention Month

I am a prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes and the author of a children's book intended to teach kids about body safety.  In honor of April's National Child Abuse Prevention Month, please feel free to share these safety tips with your community.

1.  Safety in numbers.  Find out what the policy is for one on one contact.  Organizations can limit or eliminate the opportunity for abuse if there is a policy requiring a third person to be present (whether it is an adult or another child).  In a sport such as tennis where there may not be a third person, parents should consider being present for the lessons.

2.  Safe touching vs. unsafe touching.  Have a discussion with your child about what types of touching are appropriate in that particular sport.  With a contact sport such as football or wrestling, be explicit about what behavior is acceptable and what is not.  Teach your child to come to you and ask questions if they are uncertain.  Discuss whether there are other touches that you have not addressed.

3.  Use a broad brush.  While parents may have concerns about protecting their child from a coach, they should keep in mind that other children can be perpetrators of sexual abuse against a child as well.  All lessons should apply to anyone who might touch the child inappropriately, whether adult or child.

4.  No secrets.  Period.  Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable.  If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something suspicious before it becomes a problem.  The way to effectuate this rule is as follows:  If someone, even a grandparent, were to say something to your child such as “I’ll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret”, firmly, but politely say “We don’t do secrets in our family.”  Then turn to your child and say “Right? We don’t do secrets.  We can tell each other everything.”  Secrecy is the most powerful weapon in a child abuser’s arsenal.

5.  Identify a “safety zone” person.  Teach your children that they can come to you to discuss anything, even if they think they will get in trouble.  Convey to them that you will listen with an open mind even if they were doing something they should not have been doing. A safety zone person can be a neighbor, family member, religious official or anyone who your child feels comfortable confiding in should something happen to them and they are reluctant to discuss it with parents.  The safety zone person should be advised that they have been chosen and should be instructed to discuss the situation with the parents in a timely manner.  Keep in mind that child predators often “entice” their prey with something inappropriate such as allowing a child to watch an adult movie or miss school, letting them smoke a cigarette or drink alcohol.  Children will often be reluctant to tell about inappropriate touching for fear they will get in trouble for the drinking or missing school.  Explain to children that they if someone touches them inappropriately, they should tell the parent or the safety zone person, even if they did something that they were not allowed to do.

6.  Teach your child the correct terms for their body parts.  This will make them more at ease if they need to tell you about a touch that made them feel uncomfortable.  Teaching children only the nicknames for their private parts can delay a disclosure.  An 11-year-old who only knows the term hoo hoo for her vagina may be embarrassed to tell someone if she is touched there.  If a 5-year-old tells her busy kindergarten teacher that the janitor licked hercookie, the teacher might give the child another cookie, not realizing she just missed a disclosure.

7.  Practice “what if” scenarios.  Say to your child, “What would you do if someone offered you a treat, or a gift when I wasn’t there?” Help your child arrive at the right answer, which is to say no, and ask you first.  Many parents also encourage children to walk or run away in this situation if the person is a stranger.  Parents should note that giving a child a gift and asking them to keep it a secret is a very common step in the process of grooming a child for sexual abuse.

8.  Teach children to respect the privacy of others. Children should learn to knock on doors that are shut before opening them and close the door to the bathroom when they are using it.  If they learn to respect the privacy of others, they may be more likely to recognize that an invasion of their privacy could be a red flag meaning danger.

9.  Let children decide for themselves how they want to express affection.  Children should not be forced to hug or kiss if they are uncomfortable.  Even if they are your favorite aunt, uncle or cousin, your child should not be forced to be demonstrative in their affection.  While this may displease you, by doing this, you will empower your child to say no to inappropriate touching.

10.  Teach children that No means No. Teach children that it is OK to say No to an adult.  Without permission from you, many children may be reluctant to do so even if the adult is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Teach children that all of these lessons apply to children as well.  If another child is touching your child in a way that makes him or her uncomfortable, teach your child to say No, get away and tell someone.  When someone tickles a child, if the child says No, all tickling should cease.  Children need to know that their words have power and No means No.

Young children respond well to these tips and they should be revisited often.  We can teach our children about water safety and not make them fearful of the water.  We need to do the same when it comes to keeping their body safe. Use your poker face.

Encourage your child to come you if they have questions about anything.  Avoid looking shocked or embarrassed by the question.  Children who sense their parents’ discomfort will be less inclined to approach the parent next time he or she has a question. If a child does disclose any type of abuse, it is important to take the disclosure seriously and report it to the appropriate authorities promptly.


Feel free to share this link:
Talking To Your Kids About Sexual Abuse | Video - ABC News http://abcn.ws/1o7YSW8 via @ABC

All the best,


Jill Starishevsky
Prosecutor, Child Abuse/Sex Crimes
Author, My Body Belongs to Me
http://www.MyBodyBelongstoMe.com

Views: 29

Reply to This

© 2020   Created by Mom Bloggers Club.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service