My friend Dan’s nervous ex-wife, Helen Who Hates Me, asked me for a ride to the airport. If you look up desperate in the dictionary, you will see this example of the proper use of the word: Helen was so desperate for a ride to the airport, she called a friend of her ex-husband whom she hates. It depends on the dictionary. I bet Helen has that very edition and needed to look up the spelling of desperate for an article she was writing, and like a horoscope, or a quote on the tag of a tea bag,… Continue

My husband bought me a fantasy.
http://www.amymusings.com/2009/12/24/gift-giving-its-the-thought-that-counts-2/

My sister Judy called last night. It has been since I lived in New York, and we were both in therapy to heal us of our non-dramatic childhoods, that we’ve spoken on the phone. I wasn’t sure if this was going to be one of those conversations that has no map and starts out tentatively to see if I’m in the mood, or if she was stalling on telling me something important, as a way of letting me know “this is important”, the way some people say, “Are you sitting down?” before they deliver big… Continue

They say boredom is what turns good people to crime. And that’s exactly what happened last night. Crime was happening in the ‘hood and we know the people who did it! We ARE the people who did it! (this is fiction) And it was a blast. Until we found out the fun we were having is illegal.



Did you know you can get arrested for “inciting panic” by shining a laser pointer in someone else’s house???



My neighbors didn’t look panicked when my sons pointed the laser into their… Continue

ven though I told myself I would never ever do this on a weekend, I found myself, yet again, in the crowded grocery store on Sunday. I needed to go up the bread aisle and there was a man coming my way, pushing a cart. He looked like he wasn’t used to grocery shopping or pushing a cart, or being anyplace, really, other than a golf course or a leather couch, smoking a cigar and dusting off his reading glasses with an Egyptian linen handkerchief that has his initials embroidered on the diagonal of… Continue

http://www.amymusings.com/2009/12/11/tipper-gore-tore-up-my-christmas-card/

I went to a bridal party once. If there were any bridal parties after that that I was invited to, I probably avoided them. A woman right out of high school, whom I’d met at the Bun n’ Cone (don’t laugh, that’s the real name), invited me to come to the party at her house that evening after work, and to the wedding the following day.



I felt a little uncomfortable going to her wedding. I didn’t know anyone, including her, really, but I went to her house that night because of the look on… Continue

http://www.amymusings.com/2009/12/07/things-about-me-that-oddly-did-not-make-the-cut-on-my-about-me-page/

I did something stupid for which I am positive there are going to be repercussions. I knew I shouldn’t while I was in the middle of dialing. My heart was racing and that’s usually when I know. Wait. Don’t act now. I’m very familiar with this warning signal, and yet this time I couldn’t stop myself.



Dear Self, please try not to tell off people at doctors’ offices. It never ends well. Especially don’t tell someone off on their voicemail. Look what happened to Tiger Woods when he left a… Continue

I’m downsizing. I weaned off of my prescription for anxiety now that I don’t need it anymore. It was making my ADHD worse because it suppresses dopamine. But now I keep trying to shove other stuff in my brain. I keep trying to tweak it, to feel better, then feel better than that. I’ll use anything, food, caffeine, music, movies. I tried meds for ADHD. I tried wellbutrin briefly but it kicked my neuroreceptors’ butt. I would have preferred a gentle nudge. I tried herbs that have to build up in… Continue