** If I ever turn up missing, a vineyard in Sonoma is most likely where you'll find me.
** My daughter thinks I was born in 1818. Seriously, she asked if that was my birth year. WTF?!
** Entirely too many people think they have the right of way.
** Elementary School Open House could also be referred to as Nuts on a Stick. …Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 24, 2012 at 8:09pm — No Comments
Don't you just love how candid kids can be? Especially when it comes at your own personal expense? Just think how awesome it would be if, as adults, we could say exactly what we think and have people chuckle and say how darn cute we are. Unfortunately, however, we'd most likely end up getting our asses kicked and be unfriended by every single person we know on Facebook.
Luckily, for my daughter, it's still pretty hilarious when she asks me why my boobs aren't "as big as…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 23, 2012 at 9:22am — No Comments
** A lovely Valentine's morning can quickly turn to a red and pink poop storm when you're a parent.
** If the smell of your own morning breath is making you gag, you know it's time to brush those pearly whites.
** I always seem to park in the spot where some lazy jackhole has left his unreturned shopping cart.
** Cookie bouquets…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 18, 2012 at 11:53am — No Comments
Parenthood, we have a problem. My sweet baby girl has gone off the deep end. Even though she's only eight years old, I'm seriously considering enrolling her in Maury Povich's boot camp. Or a chain gang. Or both. Cause seriously? This shit's gotta stop. The kid has been sent to the principal's office not once but TWICE in one week, and one of those times was on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 15, 2012 at 1:27pm — No Comments
** Bloating and cramping are God's way of saying, "Sucks to be you!!!"
** Giselle Bundchen needs to be introduced to the wonderful world of duct tape.
** A rotten bag of mushrooms makes your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 10, 2012 at 10:51am — No Comments
Obviously, I love my kids with every little fiber of my being, but I swear to, well......you, actually, that they're involved in some sort of conspiracy theory to drive me straight to the loony bin. Seriously, if I didn't know any better, I'd think they'd bought stock in Crazy Town, which is clearly where I'll be residing soon enough. Any potential…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 8, 2012 at 4:52pm — No Comments
** A healthy household makes for a happy mama.
** My kids are HUGE fans of "skip the shower" nights.
** If my purse contained as much money as it does crap, I would be a very rich lady.
** Asparagus = awesome. Asparagus pee…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 3, 2012 at 10:37am — No Comments
Remember when you were growing up and you said you'd never ever do to your own children the things your parents did to you? Perhaps it was a vow you made to yourself in the midst of snot and tears as you slammed the door of your room so hard that it nearly shattered the windows? Well, my sixteen-year-old self would probably punch me in the face for doing so, but here's me admitting…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 2, 2012 at 1:32pm — No Comments