We’ve all done it, put on the extra bit of lippy, slipped into one of our figure flattering outfits and caked on the makeup in an attempt to get our ex’s attention. They could be coming over to pick up the stuff they left over at your house, or they could be coming over to pick up the little one because it’s their turn to babysit or you may have heard through the grapevine that they’re going to be at an event that you’re going too, wherever the case, you’re making sure you look even more spruced up then you usually do!
It may not be that you even want them back in your life it’s typically a way of just saying ‘this is what you’re missing out on!’ You know, a way to make them feel bad for what they left behind.
It’s natural that we want to show our ex or even an ex-friend that we’re doing well without them. No one wants to show signs of suffering to someone they classify as an adversary or even allow them to believe that they are worse off or that things are spiralling out of control as a result of them no longer being there.
But why do we do it knowing we don’t want them back? We subconsciously flirt for all the wrong reasons to make them yearn for us once again even though we don’t want them.
It’s all a part of the process of moving on - to gain reassurance that they were and are still attracted to us. It’s crazy, but it happens and I think the real reason it happens is because people like the attention, they liked to be noticed (women in particular) and like to show-off the fact that they have moved on and upgraded – which is great, but are we possibly showing them in the wrong way? And should we even be putting in that much effort to prove someone that we are worth it? Surely if they valued you they would know that already, no?
What ‘s intriguing is that most of us use external ways to prove this point i.e. getting new hair, clothes, makeup, a car that we can’t afford just so that we can flaunt it in hope that our ex or their friend might see. Majority of people are blinded to the fact that upgrading internally is just as important as upgrading your external – physical appearance, if not even more important!
Most people can sense desperation, they can sense when you’ve gone the extra mile to try and impress them. Most people can see when you’re fishing for their attention and most of the time when they can suss this out about you they either use it to their advantage or they may just do the opposite of what you’re trying to gain and just ignore you.
I’ve noticed through personal experience that actually a change in attitude, becoming more conscious of yourself rather than trying to consciously impress your ex, and harnessing your true self is far more effective than the latter.
Here are four ways you can work towards impressing yourself rather than your ex:
1. Find your happy place
Find out what makes you truly happy, keep a positive mindset. Releasing all that negativity, bitterness, and grief can change your whole outlook and perspective on life. Having a bad attitude will weigh you down and keep you in a bleak place. When you feel positive you feel revitalised and this is one step closer to achieving success. Having a positive attitude is definitely impressive!
Go back to the drawing board and find what you love to do. Work on your dreams and make a start on building your empire. If you’re doing this already, regain focus and expand unto something bigger. Surely, nothing can feel more pleasurable than establishing your dreams and making them a reality. It may even inspire your ex to get their life together and those around you.
3. Become a better you
Do a good willed gesture - a random act of kindness, meditate, exercise or even read the last chapter of that book you never managed to finish. Take on a new sport or class, better your skills, knowledge and mannerisms – better you! Enhancing your internal as well as your external abilities will give you a sense of well-being.
4. Start loving yourself
When you become self sure about who and what you are, you won’t feel like you need to put in all the effort to try and impress – being you will be enough! Once you realise who you are you will recognise that it’s their loss anyway!