Only through living can you learn. Without building experiences, you can't possibly grow into your Authentic self. Maturity comes through trial and error you can't sit down if you want to Create your Best Life.
If you're in your Forties such as myself chances are you have been in a relationship or two. You have experienced what it is like to share your space with another and sharing space with your kid or kids doesn't count. I went out with some friends the other night, a mixture of couples and singles and this question came to mind: Dating is cool, But are you ready to Move In together? I witnessed lots of laughter and lots of talking but were any of these single people ready to commit to sharing a space together? I came up with Five you're not ready, here's my perspective.
- Your thoughts must add "We" to its vocabulary. No longer is it just you. You paying the bills, you making plans, you cleaning the house, you hanging out, you and your friends, you alone. If you love the I too much...You're not ready.
- Rules . Yes, there are rules to cohabitation. Successful cohabitation requires compromise. It requires conversations not just once but several times on the things you expect, require and need. Set these up early on and tweak as you go along but never suppress discomfort. If following some rules makes you feel like you are being treated like a child...You're not ready.
- Disclosing your Finances. Money is a very important part of building a relationship. How you handle your money affects your stability in life. Everyone has debt at some point, whether large or small. Having a common respect for money, building wealth and establishing a long-term financial goal is key to building a strong foundation. Having a little secret stash doesn't have to be a deal breaker but If your motto is, spend now and worry about savings later...You're not ready.
- Sharing is caring they say, well not all the time. Moving in Together requires the ability to share your space. That bathroom you love may now seem small because your "other" may not be as neat as you. Organization may mean different things to your Boo, piling things in a corner may seem just fine. Walking into the house while talking on speaker phone may become the new norm. Stepping on food crumbs the morning after movie night might drive you insane. Sharing your space requires skills of negotiation just like when your parents taught you how to share as a child. If you are not great at sharing...You're not ready.
- Last but NEVER least! Respect of privacy and alone time. People tend to believe that once I becomes We you must go into a morphing transition. No longer do you have the right to your privacy or your time alone for self-care. No longer is silence required. No longer are your own thoughts valid. This is false! Becoming a We does not require you to lose yourself. It does not mean you lose your rights at being You. Moving In together means you are bringing your best self into a space to build and share with another. You are an addition. If you want to control your "other"...You're not ready.
My two ex's can attest to my need for cleanliness and order. That is a requirement I have that I will not compromise. I learned from my first relationship to speak up and not oppress my dislikes so in my second relationship all the cards were on the table. My first relationship was a bumpy test drive but one that reaped many lessons and a beautiful reward. My second relationship, was more of an emotional lesson and those rewards keep showing up every day. I have been single now for over five years and dating on and off during this time. I feel I have acquired the skills to get into relationship #3 but only time will tell. Rushing into things is never a good idea. I believe deeply in test runs especially at my age. I don't want any cohabitating surprises.
So ladies and gents don't be afraid to run your tests on weekends and holidays and if you have kids start talking and bring this person around to test different scenarios because if you do decide that you are ready to Move In, this affects your kid too.
What do you think? Are you ready, were you ready share your thoughts.
Always stress-free xo,