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If you're eating I would highly recommend ceasing before you continue reading on

Cold and Flu season has slowly crept upon us making the majority of population shoot themselves up with vaccinations, stock up of NyQuil and cart out the Costco size of Kleenex. As I have gotten older I have dealt with the joyous spread of germs especially the kind that turn my kid Smurf color, which hasn't happened since Swine Flu 2009. I don't mind runny noses or anything like that, that's why God invented Clorox wipes and Lysol.

When going to a local shopping establishment I know the moment I touch those collective groups of various germs and bacteria that reside on the shopping carts I need to soak my hands in acid when arriving home. Before embarking on my retail therapy I needed to use the ladies room (darn Starbucks).
I love my gender, don't me get me wrong but we are not so clean in the public restroom department. Three lovely metal stalls stand before me, the "Big" stall in being occupied so I choose the first one, need to leave a little room in between me and the other lady and I am just thankful I did.

I am minding my own business finishing my, well, business, not in a solid form...sorry, that was a bit TMI


There's an the Tampa area

I nearly fell off the thunderbox but I held steady and realized that after an earthquake people don't say
"Oh My God, Ahhhhhhhhh, alllllllllriiiiiiight"
That phrase came from the lady in the "Big" stall
I'm not quite sure what was released over there but I could have really used a Hazmat suit.
I was sure the explosion was heard out in the hallway and once I gained back some balance I hurried to vacate the area.
Now, once you have shared something like that with another human being how can eye contact be made after that? Seriously? Trying to hold my breath and express my overwhelming desire to laugh hysterically was becoming a feat in itself. I would also like to point out in the "Big" stall their are sinks and there was running water coming from that stall so when she emerged my urgency hit an all new high.
The middle-aged lady sauntered behind me as I placed my eyes on the checkered tile floor which by the way was a pleasant leafy color.
No hand washing in the "Big" stall, no hand washing next to me and after what had fulminated a minute earlier she was in dire need of some soap and very hot water.

Keeping with my no eye contact policy the lady reaches the door and


I swear to you I thought I would turn around and witness her lungs laying on the cream and leafy checkered floor. My body cringed with Ick and Yuck! She observed the "Fun" like a little sparkle fairy had just flown out of her mouth and was sitting on the palm of her hand. I name call it "Fun" because their just isn't a delightful word for that and I am sure you get the visual.

Most normal people would retreat to the sink and wash the mountain of "Fun" from their hands but apparently she decided that sharing with the Tampa population would be more appropriate. As she spread the "Fun" on the door handle my immune system was sending out a Code Blue. This bathroom experience went from hilarity to horrendous in 60 seconds. Thank God their were paper towels to open the door with, I used 10 just to be on the safe side;-)

As I roamed through the store I kept running into the Big Stall Fun Lady and whatever she touched I sooooooooooo did not! However, the ironic part about it was this.......
I was buying extra Vitamins, for good reason, and she was sitting in the Pharmacy area waiting to receive her flu shot. She was discussing with the Pharmacist the importance of healthy living, how can anyone eat fatty foods, she runs 10 miles every day....this coming from the same lady who just spread her junk all over the bathroom ans store, this lady who is touching the pharmacy counter and now the Pharmacist just itched his eye!

I couldn't resist, she was just sitting there waaaaay to comfortable

Eye contact had been made

Her face turned such a vibrant shade of red

I approached her with a little bottle of Purell and said

"Sharing means caring, right?"

The Pharmacist looked at me puzzled but Big Stall Fun Lady knew exactly what I meant.
She's lucky I didn't hook that up to a hose and spray her germified booty down.
Somethings I will share but that's not one of them!

After writing and reliving this I must go do a Crying Game shower;-)

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