Once upon a time there lived a normal teenager...until we fast forward to the future and this teenager married and fully blossomed into a promising psycho the first night her husband left for his new job on a graveyard shift.

Okay—let’s cut to the chase. She panicked. She panicked like someone had tied her down and given her a bad perm, forcing her to wear a leotard and leg warmers before styling her hair into a side ponytail. But she kept a cool façade. (Not in the same way as someone who had self-injected botox and can no longer show expression, no, no, nothing like that. It was because she was trying to act brave.)

Alas, anxiety was like a cruel and wildly feral turtleneck sweater that threatened to choke her. But she practiced her breathing like the perfect Lamaze student....

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