When I was a child, I never understood why my Mother always wanted to know where I am, where I was going, when will I return home,etc. I remember she always told me, she would take all the pain in the World if she could, so I wouldn't have to feel hurt, sickness, sadness.. I never really understood that concern of hers, that constant fear and protection, She would tell me:" Just wait till you have your own kids, you will understand it and you will be the same. it's how Mothers are."
There were moments in my growing up time, when I told and promised myself, I would do things differently, there are some resentments towards her parenting. But in general, my childhood was happy, I was happy, my parents were loving and caring.
And now, here I am, a Mother of two adorable children, a boy and a girl. They are less then one year apart, so they are almost like twins. And now I can say, I totally understand what my Mother told me. I understand Motherhood.
Life changed. Everything became more intense, THE LOVE, THE FEAR, SADNESS, JOY, PRIDE. It sometimes becomes overwhelming, it overtakes your whole being. With that also comes the fear of not being PERFECT. The pressure of being a perfect Mother, a perfect Wife can be a lot to take for a Woman.
There is no universal manual that would tell you all the secrets of Motherhood. We have to learn on our own. Being a Mother is a life-job, with a lot of sunshine and flowers but there has to be some rain and darkness, so we can grow and learn and appreciate what we have.
What I learned so far, is that it is good enough if I do my best. Not what others think is best, but what I think. I learned that it's OK to make mistakes, as long as I learn from them. It's OK to be perfectly imperfect. I learned that I and only I know my kids and their needs, so I can make decisions what is best for them.
I never want to lose myself as a person, as a Woman, because only then I can truly be happy, be healthy and with that joy inside of me I can take care of my family, their well being, their happiness.
I know that Motherhood and parenting is a LIFELONG LEARNING EXPERIENCE. I have as much to give to my children as they can give back to me. We live, love and grow together. It never stops. It's a circle of life.