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Master of Medicrity- tips and trick on how to bring it and wing it in the parent "hood"

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When I first embarked on this parenting journey nearly a decade ago I was bent on being a textbook mommy.  I had read the books and watched enough of TLC's A Baby Story to consider myself a total expert.  I was 24 year old.  It has taken me the better part of a decade to arrive at where I am today...a master of mediocrity.

My first born daughter schooled me REAL fast at how ignorant and naive I was to this whole parenting game.  She was six pounds of squealing, pink flesh and SHE was running this show...not me.  I spent that first year frustrated and baffled at why I never felt good enough or successful enough in the parenting department.  Heaven knows I was trying my fanny off, but I was living in Fail-City friends.  This mommy gig was turning out to be way harder than I had expected.

Fast forward to daughter number two.  She was a totally easier child right out of the gate...I was a totally easier human being after being medicated for pre-natal depression and anxiety.  Maybe it was the meds, maybe it shedding my rookie mom status, but I took perfect mom and put her ass to bed.  I was headed straight for okay-ish mom.  I couldn't be perfect, but I was going to master mediocrity!

Let us now fast forward to the birth of our identical twin girls four years later.  At this point I just let it all go.  Screw it all friends.  Who cared if they ate three to four servings of vegetables a day, developed perfect sleeping patterns, or became president someday.  At the time I cared whether or not they were going to be born prematurely, develop twin to twin transfusion, or DIE.  I had no more room for trying to reach perfection.

I have gone from striving for perfection to killing it at mediocrity.  Here are some of my tips and tricks on how to bring it and how to wing it in the parenting game...

Tip #1 - A little TV won't kill your kids.  It won't cause autism or mental discombobulation or any of that!  Do you know what it will do?  It will allow you to make dinner, take a pee or slam a glass of vino.  Sponge-bob is your friend.  (Side note:  All kids programming is o.k. in my book except for Thomas The Train and Caillou.  They must die.)

Tip #2- Veggies are important.  They are SO important that many companies throw them into juices and squeezie snacks now a days.  Take that one and run with it.  If you count these as a veggie serving you will sleep much better at night.  Winning.

Tip#3 - Don't stress about bedtime... don't be stupid about it either though.  I get around this tantrum inducing quandary by not keeping clocks upstairs and just TELLING the kids that it is 8:30.  It could be 6 pm for all they know.  You know what?  You're mom and if you have to tell a little white lie so that you all make it to the next day, DO IT.  Don't wait until you're passed out on the hallway floor and wishing for death to take you to put the kiddies to bed.

Tip #4 - Take back the radio - Unless you are raising a mini-Miley Cyrus's, don't freak over the radio stations.  I bet the great minds of our time did not grow up listening to The Wheels on the Bus or Kidz Bop.  That shit will eat your brain.  As much as we moms drive, pick the station, crank it up so to drown out the bitching from the back seat and live a little.  Roll that window down, take your top knot out and let your hair blow in the wind if you're feeling extra sassy moms!  Feels so good...

Tip #5 -  Skip the daily movie time snuggle time.  I bet you're already a kick ass mom.  You don't need to spend two hours in the middle of the day cuddled up in front of a Disney movie.  Every now and then it's a great bonding activity... or hangover activity...but use this time.  Around here we call this magical time, "rest time."  The kids slow down and watch a movie. I make dinner, write, catch up on chores, watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  I suggest using this time to re-charge friends, because rest time is only half time.  You have a long way to go before you can lie to your kids and put them to bed early.

There it is kids.  My tips and tricks to bringing it and winging it in the parent-hood.  I've got plenty more but this should get you started on your path to parental happiness and mediocrity.  You're welcome. ;)

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