Note: This is, of course, a fictional letter. *cough, cough...*

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My Dearest Husband,

Mother's Day is around the corner. While I love being recognized as someone who has gone through pregnancy and pushed our baby out of my womb, there are things I would rather get than chocolate and flowers. True, chocolate and flowers are sweet, but as a mother, there are other things I would love to get than just a day of sugar rush.

New Yoga Pants
My overworn yoga pants are just not enough. Did I mention there are holes in them? I know they are not visible because the pants are in dark color, but still.

The versatility of these pants just can't be beat. Do you know how many times I have to bend down, crawl, sit on sandbox, scoot over, chase the kid, stained by muddy shoes, and wipe my slimy hands from cleaning our toddler's nose on these very pants? I believe new yoga pants is in order.

A Month of Housecleaning Service
If you think I love dusting, sweeping the floor, mopping, washing dishes, doing laundry, changing bedsheets, putting toys away, picking up raisins and cereal from underneath the couch—oh well, I can go on and on with the list—then you have to think again.

I would love to nap and wake up to a clean house, thank you very much. Maybe upgrade it to one-year subscription, if you are feeling generous.

A Day or Two of Mommy Trip – Sans Kids
Family trips are fun, believe me. But I found myself fantasizing going for a trip to the beach without having to haul diaper bag, stroller, car seat, screaming toddler, and the likes. Just sandy beach, a Kindle on one hand, flowery dress, beautiful sun hat, and mojito on the other hand.

Oh fine, a trip to the grocery store by myself will do just fine.

That Wraps Thingy
My social media feeds are so full with "before" and "after" pictures of ladies with flat tummies. I wish magic wand existed, but alas, the only thing that's real is this flappy belly. Get me those wrap things, or the magic wand—whichever one is available.

Summer and swimsuit season is almost upon us, you know?

New Workout Attire
When can I have time to workout when my hands are so full with rearing our child and trying to stay sane while washing three loads of laundry? I know, I know. Excuses, right? I am not the "what's your excuse?" mom, so maybe it is OK for me to whine a little bit.

Well, perhaps if my fitness shoes are not so outdated and if I have a real sports bra and neon colored workout shirt, then I will sneak in some workout time and be sweaty. You notice that I said "perhaps," right? I already have worn-out yoga pants, so get on with the rest of the workout attire.

A Trip to the Salon
The last time I got a haircut was almost two years ago. Sometimes I think I can mop the floor with my hair; they are coarse enough to remove sticky spots off the kitchen floor.

It would be nice not to trim my own hair in the bathroom, while our toddler clinging to my legs and asks the question, "Mama, what are you doing?" for the hundredth times.

Change The Dirty Diaper
For once I want to be the last person who recognizes the smell of poo-poo, which is recognizable from miles away by the way, and not jump on it and hunt our kid who screams "no changing. NO CHANGING!!"

And rinse that dirty pants stained with poo-poo while you are at it too.

A Moment of Solitude
No, it is not because I don’t love you or our toddler. It is not because I want to clean the house in peace. No. Chores can wait. My sanity can’t wait; it hangs by a thin thread. Go take our toddler outside and play in the park. Don’t forget to feed her. Make sure she naps. Be a Mommy for one day, and that means do some cleaning, too.

In the mean time, maybe I will finally redeem that free Starbucks coupon and get myself big venti frappuccino. If you get home before me, don’t forget to load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

There you go. Those are a big hint for you, my dearest husband. If these are too much, well, then I will take the chocolate and flowers. And please don't forget the endless supply of hugs and kisses.

Love,

Your wife
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Now, who's with me? ;-)

Anita
@OneSleepyMommy