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My invisible secret...

I have been pregnant since Mid May 2010.. Since this magical miracle of science occurred I have had ppl ask if we were planing to have anymore kids ( both them & myself ) not knowing the answer to that question was already in motion. I have suffered through horrible migraines, large amounts of nausea and vomiting, lack of energy or the desire to do anything. I have take children to meet up w/ prom dates, graduation parties, driver's ed, summer school, the zoo and countless other events. I have held birthday parties, attended bridal showers & weddings, baby showers, even hosting one, & helped welcome to the world my niece. I have done back to school shopping, gone thru countless PTO meetings & events.. along w/ ballet classes every week.. not to mention the numerous family get togethers and to this point the ONLY ppl who are aware of my condition are my husband, our children, my husband's family, the ladies on the PTO, my husband's best friend & his wife, my 12 yo's girlfriend, my good friend, some ppl @ my husband's work and my doctor.

You may be wondering why I have decided to keep this pregnancy a secret. The reason is simple.. yet the answer may not be quite as easy to explain.

When it comes down to it I've done all of this "hiding" for my sister. While not her first pregnancy, my sister just gave birth to her first child @ the end of September. Having gone through the whole first thing, I know how important it is to everyone involved.. mother, father the baby, grandparents.. to enjoy the new little one and have the spotlight of having the youngest child in your family. Being that my niece was also the first grandchild on my brother-in-law's side, plus the first girl.. raised the bar w/ a lot of extra special firsts.

Now not wanting to rain on her parade in any way, shape or form & having gone through having the first grandchild, the first girl grandchild, etc the last thing I wanted to do is to step up and say "Hey I'm pregnant" and ruin all this for her. So this pregnancy has become an invisible one..

One which I endure(d) my clothes not fitting, aching back, all day sickness, little feet in my ribs, being uncomfortable, feeling the baby move, heightened sense of smell, doctor's appointments and all those other things in silence, only sharing bits & pieces w/ my husband & children.

During this time I have learned that I was pregnant w/ twins, but that was not meant to be. One of the fetus' didn't make it & dissolved back into my body.. my invisible baby.. I'll never forget the day I went to the doctor to confirm I was pregnant. She did an ultrasound & right there on the screen were two little bubbles. Yet, one bubble appeared empty... meaning that baby most likely didn't make it thru the first 9 weeks. How surreal for her to confirm something that I had already knew. I had been dreaming of twins for weeks, teasing my husband that there was more than one baby in my belly.

There have been so many occasions that I could have revealed my secret, but not wanting to ruin other ppls events or "firsts" I have not spoke a word to my family. It wasn't until last Sunday when we have a turkey dinner w/ them that the cat was let out of the bag.. it went something like this...

Sitting @ the dining room table eating.. Mike is talking w/ my BIL Greg about their new baby, Mallory & Greg's sister just having a baby..

Mike - "Well you know soon she (Mallory) will have a new little cousin.."

Greg - (Pause w/ a confused look on his face.. pieces starting to fall into place.. looks at me. I shake my head yes..) Woah, wait.. really.. (again I shake my head yes) I think Terra missed this.. And so the conversation went on w/ my sister being clued in..

So now as i enter my 3rd trimester I am cluing the rest of you who do not know in.. yes I will be having ANOTHER baby in Feb.. It will be a girl.. so we will have 3 of each.. and while you all might not understand why we would want to have this many ppl in our family. I just say.. look @ your kids.. which one would to get rid of or trade in?? Each of our kids are unique & while they may make us insane or test the limits, while we may scrape from month to month to get by the thought of not having any of them as part of our lives is one that I wouldn't want. They are what makes our lives so entertaining & I am thankful to be blessed w/ each & everyone of them.. Besides who knows what incredible things have been planned for them..

So on this Thanksgiving day be sure to give thanks for all that you have.. "It's not having what you want it's wanting what you've got..." I know when I Look around at all I have , I have been truly blessed..

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