The new nanny started last week and I don't think our association will make it to the end of next week.
So once again, I'm nanny hunting. DO NOT APPLY IF YOU PLAN ON DOING THE FOLLOWING:
-Asking for August vacation dates on your first day at work (in January).
-Asking for a salary advance on your second day at work.
-Showing up 20 minutes late on your third day at work (with the lame excuse that you got stuck in your buiding's elevator.)
-Showing up 10 minutes late on the fifth and sixth day at work (and always blame it on the Paris metro being late.)
-Calling in *sick* on the seventh day of work.
-Showing up 25 minutes late on the eighth day of work with the best excuse of all, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just couldn't get out of bed this morning."
-Commenting on how my apartment "must have cost a fortune."
-Bringing your financial problems to work
(I don't want to hear about the friend who lent you money and who is going back to Madagascar tomorrow and wants her money back asap - in fact hinting again that you need an advance.)
-Bringing your love life to work
(I don't care that your new husband can't get his visa to join you in France and you are fighting French Immigration administration for this and that. Hey - I'm a foreigner in this country too. I know what French admin is like. It sucks! I don't need you to go on about it for 15 minutes. Been there done that!)
-Informing me that you are still co-sleeping with your 16 year old son. Eeewww.
-When I offer you a cup of tea it doesn't mean that you should sit down at the dining room table and read your newspaper in front of me while I take care of the kid's lunch. Multitask please.
-While you are changing Small Fry's diaper and her onesie is pulled up around her waist, you are not to wipe her snotty nose with it then clip it back on! (Yes, I saw this via the nanny cam.)
-Ignoring where you walk. DO NOT push the stroller through dog pee puddles and dog poop! (By the way, I don't need your scientific analysis on how old the dog poop in front of my apartment building door is. Yes, it's dried up and looks old to me too, possibly 3 days old, but honestly, I really don't care. Just don't step in it or push the stoller through it!)
-Giving me medical advice. I pay someone who has gone to medical school and wears a white lab coat to do that.
-Making comments like, "You rich Madame."
(I'm not, although I can see how it may appear so to you. You've totally given me a complex about this. When I went shopping yesterday I actually asked the saleslady if she could keep the bags overnight so you would not see me come home with them. Am I just a petit peu paranoid you'll think I'm a bitch for spending your denied salary advance on clothes? Yes. I know I shouldn't care what you think, but I do.)
-Proposing to take Small Fry to your meeting at the French Immigration Office on the other side of Paris...30 minutes before you are to pick Big Fry up from judo.
1/ No, you won't be able to do it "vite" (quickly) because that's just not how it works in France. Nothing is done quickly. Well, maybe there is one thing..the French seem to cut in front of you in line pretty fast!
2/ Small Fry should spend the afternoon at the park or finger painting, not hanging out with a bunch of people with immigration issues in a run-down state building. With state employees. Who frown. Who are rude. Who are useless.
3/ You are not to leave the 16th arrondissement with the French Fries. It's in your contract. Please read this part and commit it to memory.
And of course, last but not least:
-Showering chez moi then drying off with my bath towel.
-Trying on my clothes when I'm out.
The list isn't too demanding is it?