***Disclaimer-adult content and perhaps a bit lengthy but full of nice juicy bits.
Ok so...I am fresh out of my wonderful Yoga class in a beautiful garden in Bedstuy Brooklyn. I am sweating bullets, hot as heck but I am feeling carefree and energized. I walk to my car and turn on the radio, I can't live without my radio as the song says l :). I set the dial to my friends, Ray DeJon (Video Music Box) and his DiGi Music Entertainment crew over at Radio103.9 (New York) and the lovely Krystal Gardner was leading a discussion on a topic that apparently had been trending. It was called 4:43, a response to Jay-Z's 4:44 album in which he touches on his growth amongst other things in his relationship with his wife, Beyonce.
Now if you haven't taken the time to hear it in its entirety I have to say it is well worth listening to if you are willing to be open and see another perspective on life that is. It's not a question whether or not you like the Hip Hop or Rap culture, it's about Life and navigating through its ups and downs with those you love, those that you work with, those you deal with in business and those that you don't even like.
I don't want to get off track, but really...go take a listen. Now getting back to 4:43. Krystal shared this post written by Candice Benbow in which she discusses how she felt she had wasted valuable time on her x only then for him to take all she had invested and build with someone else. She was very detailed in her emotions and I could feel her pain as I read and even understood where she could come to feel this way but here's the thing...dating someone and building a relationship is never a guarantee that you will end up together.
If we don't take chances and risks how are we living? Love is a chance we take. Love is scary and fragile and delicate and so much more but should we not Love?
Of course, it is sad to invest time on something or someone only to walk away empty handed but this is where self-care and self-esteem and maturity and experience come into play. Everything we do is a learning experience. Everyone we meet teaches us something. No matter how long the connection it is NEVER a waste of time.
As I read her blog post I got a sense of bitterness. A sense that though she alluded to moving on, she had yet not addressed her own issues and was placing sole blame on her x. Relationships take two, it is rarely just one thing that destroys a connection and the signs are always there.
I've shared how I've had two long term relationships end. One gave me my twenty-two year old daughter who is the love of my life, the best thing I have helped create and I love her father for that. We invested eighteen years together it didn't work. We grew in two different directions but I love him dearly always because he was my first love and he gave me something priceless. My second relationship I say gave me a new life. He was not for me but he was to be my greatest teacher and my greatest pain for that, I love him too.
I don't feel I wasted time or that I gave and they just took I feel that they helped me to know what I wanted in a partner and out of life but it took me, investing time on myself to clarify that. We must never lose sight of being an individual, once you do that you become bitter at any loss you experience.
Jay and Beyonce survived their bumps because they both still had love. They both still felt what they had was worth saving and both together and individually worked at bringing the pieces back together. No matter what you do if the want isn't there no amount of time you invested or what you gave will make the connection work.
So Preparing My man for his Next Woman, is that worth investing energy and thoughts into? My perspective is no. I say go out and take a chance, be clear and know your value. Build with respect, trust, and communication. Try. Don't carry old baggage and stop thinking that because something didn't work it was a waste of time.
What do you think? Are things really that simple that you just "prepare" someone for someone else or is there more to it? Do you are with Candice's perspective or do you believe things are not that black and white? Share your relationship lessons here, let's start a conversation.
Always stress-free xo,