Psychology and Feng Shui in Romantic Relationships

Hi Moms,

Many people believe therapy is about resolving a crisis or healing a traumatic past and while these are worthy goals indeed, good therapy is also like good feng shui, because it is about exploring and making our noble intentions conscious and meaningful.

Balancing Yin and Yang energies in our romantic relationships is imperative. Think about balance within the context of our feeling afraid that the relationship with our significant lover will end because our mate will find someone else so sometimes we pull away in a detached manner to the point where only our Yin (feminine) energy remains. For balance to occur "within" the context of that relationship the significant other may become understandably and notably angrier, wondering, “Where did my soul mate go?” Now the Yang (masculine) energy arrives!

Normally this isn’t done consciously, no, it is unconscious and it is out of fear. The first party – for example we’ll say a woman – fears rejection and detaches. The male party also fears rejection and abandonment but his response is anger. These are psychological realities yet their origins were fear based, they were unacknowledged and they became manifested.

Lillian Too (The Encyclopedia of feng shui, pg. 203) discusses the principles of Yin and Yang in how the Chinese view conjugal bliss as a double happiness! Hooray! But there will never be much bliss in a home if the space is filled up with anger (Yang) as in “You never!” (An expression that actually indicates a psychic regression as does the expression, "You always!") Or feel the passive resistance (Yin) of “Oh no, husband, nothing is wrong.” Sometimes one spouse needs to be extraverted (psychology) and take the lead (Yang) and sometimes one spouse needs to be more introverted (psychology) and allow the other to lead them (Yin). It’s lovely having the opportunity to play both roles in a relationship. One size needn’t fit all in marriage or in searching for a love relationship!

Are you feeling angry today, Mom? (Yang) Do yourself and your relationship a favor and literally cool off by removing that red sweater and have yourself a nice glass of cool spring water over crushed ice. Not only will you feel better physically when next you speak to your mate, but in your new physically balanced state, you will feel clearer emotionally about what is actually troubling your spirit. “I felt hurt when you came home an hour late and never even called. It made me feel disrespected as though you don’t care anymore.” Psychologically this does make one vulnerable, I will agree, but it also makes one face his or her real truth and believe me, the truth does indeed set us women and their mates free.

Are you sometimes lacking energy in the romantic department? Where did all the chi go? How can I get sexy back? Time to get physical! So get up on the dance floor, take a walk, and lift some weights. Statistics show that people who exercise not only feel more in the mood; they feel more physically attractive and the accompanying renewed energy unleashes everyone’s tiger. But don't stop there, stop with all the bread and sugar and fill up on fruits and vegetables instead. Oh and don't forget to get that computer and that TV out of the boudoir. Replace them with a picture of Klimt’s ‘The Kiss’ and a nice photo of the two of you. Surely then you’ll make your own fire element!

Sometimes people will try to save money and economize, but in matters of love, it’s more costly not to implement positive changes. I know a man who after he married wife #2 said he would not get a new bed because he didn’t need one, “The one I have is fine for us!” Whoa, lots of Yang energy here from him. She, wife #2, wanting to keep the peace, shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. Lots of Yin here, too, but where’s the balance? (feng shui) Where’s the honesty? (psychology) Did he learn that kind of rigid control in his family of origin? Did she learn that peace at any price in hers? Yikes now how many people are in that bed? Wife #1, wife #2 and husband #1 every time one enters that master suite! This is not good psychology or good feng shui!

It’s a known fact that Yin and Yang energies work together creating a harmonious space whether in your inner self or outer space. You can transform your master bedroom into one that feels warm, receptive and restful (Yin) and passionate, exciting and on fire (Yang). Think of the lovely balance you are creating as you turn the lights low (Yin) and put a match to those two juicy red candles (Yang) whose flame releases an exotic cinnamon scent in your bedroom: nice and spicy. Also, make certain you have balanced rest for nothing takes us further away from a romantic mood than exhaustion which can quickly lead us to it’s sister and brother: depression and anxiety.

So, until we meet again, dear Moms, remember everyone loves love; it’s universal! If you are fortunate enough to have a loving attachment then cherish and protect it consciously by enhancing its chi, being mindful of your mate’s needs as well as your own, and don’t forget to keep your thoughts, your words and your actions positive as you look to the New Year 2010. You can do it! You can make Every Day Matter!

Peace and love,
a.k.a. Mary Jane Hurley Brant
Author of When Every Day Matters
Simple Abundance Press and Sarah Ban Breathnach publisher

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