Ten Things Not to Ask Your Wife When You Come Home


I am so happy you are home from work. Before you walk through the threshold here are some guidelines of what NOT to ask:
1. Wow, what happened here? Life, Life happened here. The minions came home from school, and the living room, kitchen, playroom, and all other applicable areas exploded. If I wanted to follow them around with a basket, vacuum, and trash can, I would. I’m doing my best dude.

2. Whats for dinner? Food, food that you will be so grateful for you will swear that God himself blessed you with a chef for a wife. There will be no tasting, smelling, scrunching of the nose, or saying you will have cereal. You will set the example to your picky eaters and eat.

3. In relation with number 2: Why isn’t dinner ready? Please see number 1. After breaking up fights, playing, feeding, cleaning, and homework, dinner is not ready. Patience is a virtue I hear.

4. What is that smell? The dog has gas? Why? Because you gave him table scraps yesterday which I clearly remember saying not to. So now you smell Yankee Candle, mixed with dog fart. Thank you.

5. Are you wearing my sweatpants? Yes, yes I am. Its winter, I’m cold, I have a muffin top, and I am so grateful I didn’t marry a giant.

6. Can you get me this,and this, and maybe that? I love you. So, so much I love you. That is why I expect you to realize when you come home that I have been getting everyone, everything ALL DAY! While I get you’ve been working all day, I also think you’re an adult.

7. Can you go tell the kids to stop? I assure you the light is not going to come crashing down in the dining room. However, I have dealt with this all day/afternoon help! I don’t want to be the bad cop, for maybe 5 minutes.

8. Where are my socks? In Laundry basket A, B, C, or pile D. I will fold the laundry tomorrow. I will also tell you the same thing tomorrow. I love you.

9. Why is there dog hair here? We have 3 animals that shed. Although I sweep, vaccuum, wipe, and lint roll it shows up. Surrender to the fur.

10. Don’t you really want to have a 3rd kid? My eye is officially twitching.


<3 Erin

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