We all love a good Christmas comedy – ‘tis the season to be jolly after all. When it comes to Christmas movies, there are a few time honoured favourites which will get dusted off Christmas season after Christmas season for years to come. However rather than focussing on the best of these, we thought it would be nice to warm up with a couple of the best jokes that have come out of Christmas movies and not just the Christmas crackers over the years.
Some of these jokes are simple one-liners, some of them are witty exchanges between characters, and not all of them are the kind of movies you’ll be watching with your kids this year. Either way, all of these Christmas movies are bound to make you chuckle with these awesome Christmassy jokes.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
This is a film you will probably find yourself watching year after year with your kids because like the rest of the upper echelon of kids movies – Toy Story, Shrek and The LEGO Movie for instance – The Muppet Christmas Carol is as charming as it is funny. Rather than simply following the traditional Muppet formula of sketches with setups, gags and punchlines, this film focusses on your favourite characters bringing a very old tale to life. That being said, this movie has more than enough Christmassy jokes to keep both adults and children constantly amused. For example:
Kermit the Frog: If you please Mr. Scrooge, it's gotten colder, and the bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovel full of coal for the fire?
Rat #1: We can't do the bookkeeping, all our pens have turned to inkcicles!
Rat #2: Our assets are frozen!
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Like The Muppet Christmas Carol, How the Grinch Stole Christmas is one of those movies you’d be delighted to watch with your kids. While the benefits of age and wisdom offer a unique appeal to this film, there are plenty of jokes and gags that Jim Carrey pulls off which such perfection that if it’s not a Christmas favourite in your house, it soon will be. While there are several bitter Chrismas jokes thrown in for good measure, a lot of the movie’s best moments come in the form of witty banter and dialogue between the movie’s colourful characters.
The Grinch: I tell you Max, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.
The Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
The Grinch: How are you?
Echo: How are you?
The Grinch: I asked you first.
Echo: I asked you first.
The Grinch: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.
Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
The Grinch: I'm an idiot!
Echo: You're an idiot!
The Grinch: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.
Echo: You're an idiot!
And then of course, there’s the slightly more adult-focussed moments like this one:
The Grinch: [messing with people’s mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty!
Life of Brian
While some people may argue that Life of Brian isn’t the most Christmassy film, it starts with Brian being born in a manger just down the road from Jesus, and then follows his adult life as people think that he is the Son of God himself. In our books, if a movie starts with the birth of Jesus (albeit off-screen), it counts as a Christmas movie. However, the movie itself has nothing to do with Jesus himself – to quote Brian’s mother “He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!”
While it’s not a movie that you’re likely to see with your children until they’re much older, the moment at the beginning of the film where the three wise men retract their gifts because they realise that Brian is not the Messiah, will always conjure up a wry smile from the audience
Wise Man #1: Ahem!
Brian's mother: Oh!
[falls over in chair]
Brian's mother: Who are you?
Wise Man #2: We are three wise men.
Brian's mother: What?
Wise Man #1: We are three wise men.
Brian's mother: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me!
Elf is one of those movies where Will Ferrell brings a unique dimension to his character which will have both adults and children in fits of laughter. In Elf we see the story of Buddy, a human who wound up at the North Pole with Santa as a child, who has now returned to America.
Unfortunately as a result of his magical upbringing, Buddy is blissfully ignorant about the modern way of life. Early in the movie we see Buddy in a mall for the first time, elated at the thought of seeing Santa once more at Santa’s Grotto. The exchange which ensues is utterly brilliant:
Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
Kid with Santa: Four.
Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
Kid with Santa: Paul.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies!
The Santa Clause
The Santa Clause is one of those heartfelt movies which anyone with kids will find particularly touching – especially anyone who has had to go through divorce. In this movie events transpire which leads to Tim Allen becoming the new Santa Claus, delivering presents to boys and girls with the help of his young son. There are plenty of light-hearted jovial moments which are both designed to inspire kids and make parents grin in the same way that Shrek and The LEGO Movie are now famous for. Case in point, this exchange between Tim Allen’s character and his son, Charlie…
Charlie: Whoa, Dad! You're flying!
Scott Calvin: It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s.
…which is followed by an exchange between the son and his new stepdad:
Neil: What about Santa's reindeer? Have you even seen a reindeer fly?
Neil: Well, I haven't.
Charlie: Have you ever seen a million dollars?
Charlie: Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean is doesn't exist.