Find Out What Men and Women are Saying about Dating Sites and Dating
As an older single (mid-40s) who has been on dating sites and has a lot of friends in the same age range who are currently on dating sites, I wanted to share our thoughts and advice. I decided to post a question to all of the women who are my Facebook friends, and ask them what their advice may be. Then, some of the guys chimed in and so I decided to write this post for men AND women instead of just the men as I initially planned. It was fun and interesting to learn what the men do not want us women to do.
Disclosure: this does not apply to ALL men and all women so do not be offended.
For the men:
- The majority of women are NOT on dating sites to hook up. Although some sites like Tinder have the reputation of being a hook-up site, and there are some women who DO just want to hook up, a lot of women really are not interested in hook-ups. Especially older women who are just coming out of a marriage or long-term relationship. They are clueless about what the dating scene and dating sites are like.
- Take the time to read profiles instead of copying and pasting a message to every single woman on a dating site in the hopes of getting a date. When I was on a dating site, I was very clear about my interests, yet, so many would reach out and waste my time. If I specifically write in my profile something like “I hate hunting” and you are an avid hunter, I am most likely not going to be interested. (just an example) If you are dishonest about your interests, it will catch up to you eventually so in addition, do not pretend to have the same interests as someone else to get a date.
- If you are married (engaged, dating someone else, etc.), you do not belong on dating sites, period. A good friend of mine has recently met THREE men (2 from a dating site) who are married. Seriously?
- We do NOT want to see dick pics. MAJOR turn off. I had a discussion about dick pics and mirror selfies with friends the other day. Some of my friends are okay with an occasional chest picture but not dick pics. Personally, I think sending pics of your penis (politely stated) or mirror selfies of your chest is a total douche move, especially if I haven’t met you. I get it that men are visual creatures and I certainly don’t mind looking at a great 6 pack occasionally after I’ve met you, but I will compliment you and feed your ego when I am ready. lol
- Smile and show your eyes in your pictures! Teeth and eyes are an important part of appearance. If you are super hot and not smiling in any pictures and then I meet you out for a date and you are missing a tooth, I’m running. Sorry, it may seem shallow, but it’s true. Physical attraction is important for some people. Take those sunglasses off and smile!
- Do not fish for compliments. It makes you appear to be insecure or arrogant vs. confident. We love confident men! BUT we don’t love guys who know they are attractive and say or do things that would typically warrant a compliment in return. In other words, don’t brag about yourself and expect a compliment in return. Modesty is most attractive.
For the women:
- Do not post old pictures of yourself, pictures that are filtered or all headshot pictures because you are not comfortable with your figure. I hear this ALL of the time from men. This is not to say that men do not do it as well, but women are known to do this more often. Ladies…be yourself. Always be yourself and love your appearance. How do you expect a guy to have interest in you if you look nothing like your photos? Men are extremely visual and will be highly disappointed if you show up looking nothing like your dating profile pictures.
- While men send unsolicited pictures, I have recently found out that women are doing the same and in some cases are showing videos of themselves playing with toys. Call me old-fashioned but, wow! How do you expect a man to have any kind of respect for you? Even if your intention is just to hook up, save that shit for when you do hook up. If he knows you just want to hook up, he certainly will not be wasting his time and money to take you out on a date. He will be inviting you over to “watch movies” instead.
- Do not talk about your ex’s. Men are territorial and even if they aren’t too interested in you, the last thing they want to hear about is your ex. Like I said, they are visual. When you talk about an ex, they are visualizing you with someone else and guys just have a thing about that.
- Do not be clingy. There seems to be a fine line with this. Well, maybe not so much being clingy but showing interest. Guys want to know you are interested but being clingy is not the way. Show your interest and allow them to take the lead initially. Always remember, men are hunters. They will go after what they want. If they are not coming after you, they are not that interested. Some guys may disagree with me on this (maybe some girls too) but I know from a lot of experience and others experiences.
- Don’t put all of your personal stuff on social media. Regardless of whether you become friends on social media early on (which is not advised), you will probably become friends eventually and you do not want someone that you just met to learn everything about you on Facebook.
- In addition to sharing all of your personal stuff on Facebook, do not ask a guy to take a selfie with you on a first date…or too early on. That’s just dumb or you are trying to make someone jealous which is also dumb.
In closing, I would like to thank my friends for their feedback. It’s a fun topic! However, I have to admit that I am not a fan of dating in my mid-forties. It’s challenging and the longer I am single, the more challenging it becomes. I am far from perfect and I do not expect perfection from anyone else. Dating can be great even though it comes with confusion and challenges at times. My best advice and advice from friends is, to be honest with yourself and others and be yourself. Always be yourself! Remember, you are on your own journey. While companionship is important, you do not NEED another person to fulfill your inner joy. Take your time, never settle and never give up.
Originally posted on MidlifeSingleMommy.com April 2018