Cultivate Theme

The rules and regulations that babies follow

So this morning Aidan and i had a long chat about the things that babies are required to accomplish before mommy and daddy cotton on...
Little did we know that children have rules
of manipulation set up right from conception.
The rules are as follows: (please remember
that i got this straight from the horse's mouth)
1: As
you grow inside your mother try make her feel as sick as possible-
morning sickness- good, morning and afternoon sickness well that's
great, but morning, afternoon and evening sickness-YOU ROCK!
2: Try
grow as big as you possibly can, reason? Well so that you can squish as
much air out of moms lungs as you can...
3: (is
a continuation from 2)
So you
can also giggle with daddy every time mom needs to get up off the
couch.... It's
HIL-AR-IOUS! Another thing you could use this rule for
is laughing at her as she rolls over from side to side in bed, she
sounds like some farm animal being tortured...oh yes and keep all the
weight distributed in the front so she looks like she'll topple at the
first sign of a slight breeze!
(This one is all about timing!)
Wait till mom is ready to go into a
meeting with her boss, then quickly give a sharp kick into her bladder,
and watch as everyone around laughs as she TRIES to run to the loo,(ever
seen a fat penguin try run?)
(This one is for when we have entered
the world in the most dramatic ways)
when mom tries to breastfeed, latch on nicely then when she
tells everyone how great the two of you are at this new skill, just
STOP! let her boobs get full and leaky, just because she jinxed it...

6: Now as you get older and have learnt how mom and dad react to
your voice,
SCREAM some more until it looks as though their heads are ready to
explode then just stop and look at them as if they were hearing things
and give them a BIG gummy smile!
7: Now when starting
solids, make it look as though you have been doing this for ages, then
all of a sudden when mom and dad thought they had this down, start
eating like a monkey, try with two fingers in the mouth to start with
then gradually move to the whole fist, so as to make as much mess as
humanly possible!
8: Chew on absolutely everything make sure
nothing has gone
unchewed, so that
when mom or dad touches something it's coated with juicy saliva...
Mmmm! and one of my personal favourites...
9: throw your toys far and wide , and
every time they are
picked up do it over again so it looks as though mom has done no
housework for the day.

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