To bear Boobies or not to bear boobies, that is the question.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding: Seventh Revised Edition (La Leche League International Book)Well,
its been quite awhile since I have been in the situation of breast
feeding, with mine now being the ripe old ages of 2 and 5 (and a
week,sniff, sniff), but I am totally all for boobie bagging it. I mean
, it was by far one of the most intimate experiences I have ever had
the privilege of sharing with another human being. Looking down into
the eyes of your precious little ones face, as you sustain their life
is monumental. The look of love and gratitude; it is amazing and I
wouldn't trade it for the world. Sure, I get the same look from my
husband when he's down there but let's face it; I'm not sustaining his

Anyways, I was one of those poor unfortunates who, try as they may, the
boobies just didn't function properly. They have always been big and
beautiful (thanks Mom) but apparently pretty useless when I actually
needed them. So, it was SNS (supplemental nursing system) from the get
go. Oh, what? You are not familiar with this term? Lucky you! It is a
wonderful medieval contraption that you hang from your neck, it holds
formula in a container..that is exerted from a small tube that is taped
to your nipple ( hoping to supplement what your poor under functioning,
handicapped boobies can't produce) and if you are super lucky (as I
was) you can add to the mix a nipple guard!Sweet! Lovely, right? P.S.
The nipple guard is not a little guy in a fuzzy hat who guards the
nipple, its a pliable plastic covering to help draw the nipple out. My
poor little boobies, they had such a complex; they figured they
couldn't come to play , so they were trying to hide on the bench. I
have a friend of mine, who never even attempted to breast feed (because
according to her, "those" were for fun not function) and here I am
bargaining with the devil and praying to Jesus to let me produce enough
milk to feed my starving child and , it just never came to fruition. I
gave it the old college try, I took the fenugreek, the mothers milk
tea, I tried everything possible to stimulate breast milk production
but I could never fly solo, I always had to use that damn SNS! So, both
girls got breastfed for about 6 weeks. I'm sorry, who was I fooling.
The embarrassment and sheer horror of that SNS (it still gives me
nightmares to think about harnessing myself into that thing) and only
producing maybe 1/2 to 1 ounce when my kid was eating 4 -6 oz, was too
much. So, I never had to decide whether or not to breastfeed in public
(because anyone who knows me, knows that I am such a hypochondriac when
it comes to my babies that they don't go out into the general public
until after 6 weeks). So, I am not trying to be judgy. When I see a
Mommy feeding her baby, first I feel "awww" ,then that is followed by a
little uncomfortableness, then " what a tender , sweet Mommy/baby
moment". Generally, I think it is beautiful. Personally, I never did it
outside the house but that was just my situation ( because the time of
breastfeeding coincided with the 6 week waiting period of taking my
newborns out into general population ....cause I am a lil crazy like
that). Anyways, today I take my 2 and 5 year old to toddler story time
@ the local library. We are sitting there and I notice a couple of the
Mommies have some newborns (awwww, moment) . Mommy A 's 3 month old
girl is getting that fussy, hungry cry going. Mommy promptly pulls out
what looks like an apron and there goes the baby, under the apron,
suckling to her hearts desire as Mommy watches on as her 4 year old
little boy participates in story time. Way to go Mommy, she was on the
ball. Directly next to her, I notice a little girl around the age of 4
assuming the position in her Mommy's lap. What? I think, a little
regression perhaps. You know seeing the baby next to her go under the
apron. She's no fool , she knew what was going on under there. Then the
4 year old sticks her hand in her Mom's(Mommy B) shirt and is fondling
her. I am like, WTH is going to happen here? It felt like I was
witnessing snuff. Then, this woman, whipped it out and this little girl
took a a shot of whiskey from a shot glass.WTF??? Seriously,
I swear I am not against breastfeeding. In fact, I am a little envious
of those Mommies with aprons..that means,God bless em, their parts are
functioning correctly. But there has always been something creepy to me
about a child old enough to be drinking out of a regular cup (past the
sippy cup age), who can say "Give me a hit off the old teet mom!" Or
anyone old enough to spell boobies, draw boobies, or talk about the
experience still actually feeding off the breast. I don't think a kid
who can unbutton your shirt and wipe their own ass should still be
breastfeeding. I mean, unless there is some weird disease and that is
the only thing the kid can eat to survive...then I think its a little
creepy and a little sad. Then ,in my head, I kept thinking if one of my
girls ( who are watching this whole thing go down and my 2 year old was
watching very interested like) comes over to me and tries to see what
all the fuss is about, we'd have serious problems. How do I explain, "
I know honey, you know how you like chicken nuggets and lemonade?
Well, that little girl still likes boobie milk!"So, my question to you I wrong to be creeped out by this? Am I just out of the loop
because of my own shortcomings? Would I feel differently if I had the
ability to sufficiently breastfeed my own kids? I don't think so but
then again , I guess we'll never know. All I know is I left the library
today feeling just a little bit violated and dirty. I wasn't staring ,
and didn't see any actual boobies..but the kid was wiping her mouth and
sporting an "ahhh" ( you know that sound you make when you've been
running and you take a long cold swig of ice water? Yeah, that's the
sound.) I'm now sufficiently terrified to go to story time again; I may
be off the library entirely.

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