You often hear parents say that their kids don't want them around. That they rush out of the car when dropped off at school or quickly go to their rooms and shut the door when they have friends over. Well, today I want to share with you Five things I've been doing for twenty-one years that keep my daughter close to me.
I can't stress enough the importance of early ground building. How the sooner you set the tone of your relationship, the better your journey will be. You can't shy away from the times they require discipline and then be upset and try to implement rules when there were no rules, to begin with. Anything that requires longevity demands a strong foundation.
I've written some posts touching on my foundation building perspectives you can check them out here and here. I've also shared in the past how I use to have conversations with my daughter while she grew in my belly. I wanted her or him (since I had no idea of the sex at the time) to get to know me and my voice. I wanted to project love as early as possible which brings me to my top five:
-Love, just as we need to feel wanted and loved so do our children at all times. Discipline, punishment, disappointment, exhaustion all the negatives you can think of and experience on this parenting journey can exist with Love. We must raise our children to know that the love we feel for them will never be held back as a way to punish them when times get rough.
-Communication, start it in the belly if you can and if not as soon as possible. Even a three-month-old can understand the differences in your tone. Facial expressions and energy are forms of communication don't underestimate the vibes you are sending out. This priceless tool will help in so many areas for years to come. Now let me remind you that there is a right and wrong way to communicate. Learn to listen, learn to allow your child to express themselves, teach them how to become individuals which then leads to...
-Respect, give it freely from the start and as they grow, teach them the value of respecting themselves and others. The earlier they learn that with respect anything can be achieved the better it will be for you, as a parent in the long run when heavy issues arise. Adding respect to your foundation building will reduce the stress of those rebellious times and there will be plenty. But they don't have to be too difficult if your foundation is strong.
-Boundaries, everyone needs space. Just because our children are "our" children doesn't mean they don't deserve some time alone and privacy. They are not our property, they come through us to be part of a bigger picture so again respect them so they can and will respect you. Set guidelines for everything you do from room doors closed to using someone else's belongings to giving mommy and or daddy some alone time.
-Fun, don't forget to laugh and remain a kid at heart. You can't be a great parent if you forget that you were once a child yourself. I stress great because that is what we aim for. That is our goal, to be the best parent we can be with the tools and information that we have. Laugh, play, sing, dance, jump, run, paint and just plain be in the moment with your child, these moments won't last forever.
There you have it, your foundation for success. Money, schools, great neighborhoods, big houses, all are important things but you need a strong foundation to achieve those things and enjoy them peacefully and mindfully with your family.
My Lil mama will be twenty-two shortly and do you want to know what we were doing together last night? We were watching one of her favorite Anime programs in the living room. We had a mini binge before I began to knock out but we had a great time, Together. We have dinner dates, we watch movies, our favorite show is Pretty Little Liars so that is our special mommy and daughter time. We go to museums, she comes into my room and cuddles on my bed by my feet yapping away, together . We never leave the house without a kiss and a hug, we text during the day, we give each other massages, we share our day, we are growing individuals but always building, together.
I'd like to know, what do you think you need to do in order to remain connected with your children? Do you think it requires more physical things than emotional? Do you just think that it's inevitable that children grow apart from their parents? Share your thoughts with me.
Always stress-free xo,
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