Cultivate Theme

I was singing like a bird yesterday morning with everything moving like clockwork. It was going to be my first day spent without the children. Coffee was brewing and pancakes were steaming. Axel and Brevitt woke up early so that they could get to Mountain Boarding camp on time and Tucker had gone to sleep talking about the Bouncy House that he was going to jump on all the next day. I looked outside and it was sunny for the first time in months and my bike was sitting outside waiting for me to take off on it. It was going to be a perfect day.

I went to wake up sleepy Tucker and my singsong day came to a screeching halt. His eyes were glued shut with gook. My mood plunged into deep despair as I told him that it looked like he was going to have to miss his day at camp. The day took a complete 180. The chanting began and my head started spinning, “I want to go to the bouncy house and I’m going to repeat myself all day until I get to go”. I desperately looked at Wade to fly in, as he usually does, and save the day. “Tucker looks fine to me? Doesn’t he to you”, I pleaded. He looked at me with his beautiful, sleepy eyes and apologetically rejected this request for him to save me. I am a freak about health and was the last person to expose other children to my infected boys, but couldn’t I today be evil and ignore the problem? Poor Tucker, so disappointed, and poor mommy.

By the end of the day my agitation had grown to a dangerous level. As adorable as Tucker was I was in no mood to answer his unwavering banter of questions. Nothing could pull me out of my self-pitying mode even when he said, “Why is that horse all alone in the field? He should giddyonup to the other horses so that he is not lonely”.

I cringed as his demands for me to listen to him increased on our long hour drive to the doctor. My intolerance level was at zero. Why couldn’t I just have one day off? WHY???? Finally I blurted out, “Please Tucker, pleasssse stop talking. Sometimes mommy needs to go into her own world and not have to answer questions all day long”. After a few moments of blessed silence his little voice inquired, “Mommy, are you going to ever come back from that world?” I had to think about it for a second.

I am ashamed that I was so annoyed by such a sweet, funny little boy. As a mother you have to learn how to easily switch tracks and accept changing circumstances. Yesterday, I was resentful that I had lost my anticipated day of freedom and little Tucker paid for it.

Wade came home from work and found me in the closest getting ready for yoga. I was met with his mating call, which I returned with, “I’m hormonal, my hair is trying to leave my body because it thinks it belongs in somebody’s nest, my head is about to blow off my body and I’m fat.” He backed off laughing and told me that I was the most beautiful when I felt the most unattractive. How could I run off to yoga after that comment? Easily!

I burst into yoga from the pouring rain, only to see that I had gotten the schedule all mixed up. They were already an hour into class. I was not going home.

I SOS’d my friend Karl and he met me for an engaging evening of conversation and Martini’s. We sat with Bernard in his French restaurant and dined on mouth watering sautéed Calamari and perfectly cooked Pomme Frites. It was a divine evening. An end to a magnificently horrible day and I felt fortunate that I was able to reap the benefits of small town living.

As I slipped into bed I reached out for my Wade and my hand rested on a very soft, silky head of hair…. Tucker! I exhaled a deep sigh and fell asleep knowing that tomorrow, hell or high water, I was going to get the day that I so desperately needed.

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