Why I'll Never Be Interviewed on Oprah

I think I live a pretty decent life. However, compared to the lives of the people on Oprah, it's pretty mundane. Which makes me think maybe I'm doing something wrong or missing out on something. Here's why I don't think Oprah would ever have me on her show:

Compared to the people on Oprah's show, I'm boring. I'm not a desperate housewife. I do not owe 300K in credit card debt. I have not written a book about tragedies or awakenings in my life. I haven't been arrested for texting while driving, never had to overcome substance abuse, never lost 450 pounds, and didn't suddenly find a miraculous life by reading The Secret. Am I perfect? Heck, no, but I'm not troubled enough or perfect enough to be of any interest to Oprah. Yawn.
I don't have the right wardrobe. Or hair. I look at the women on Oprah--both the ones being interviewed and the ones in the audience--and they look fabulous. It would take me six months of hard-core working out, Jennifer Aniston's hair stylist, and a trip to Barney's to almost look good enough for the show. I don't think my Banana Republic outlet-store wardrobe and my self-cut hairstyle would fit the profile.
I don't live in the right house. I do not own a modest, well-decorated home in suburbia with 2.5 kids and a kiddie pool out back. I also do not live in a house that would qualify for an expose on Hoarders. Living in a 145-year-old fixer-upper house without any closets and no front door, where the closest "big city" is seventy miles away, and where I've raised my own eggs and meat, does not inspire television crews to rush out here; my home fails to be both reassuringly typical or an outrageous nightmare.
My personal journey is rather, well, simple. I am not seeking to climb Mount Everest or start a huge business or find a cure for cancer. (Okay, that last one I would if I could, but I am not scientifically inclined, so it isn't gonna happen.) My idea of a full life doesn't include acquiring mega success--like Oprah--or giving everything away and living a near-monastic spiritual life. I'm not going through life aimlessly, either...there's nothing to document about searching for myself or finding myself. I'm happy with the life I have, and the additional things I want I know I can get. Nothing earth-shattering here, people. Move along.
Oprah doesn't read my blog. At least, I don't think she does. According to Google Analytics, not too many other people read it, either, so I think the chances that Oprah happens to be one of my secret admirers is pretty iffy. Unless one day Oprah is browsing the internet and wonders, "Gee, has anyone written about approaching motherhood like a small business?" and types the right keywords into her search engine, I don't think I'm going to hear from her people soon.

So I'm destined to live--and blog--in relative obscurity and never become famous on Oprah.

Poor me. I think. Well, maybe not. Whatever.
Professional Family Manager

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Comment by Jendi on April 23, 2010 at 12:43pm
I know exactly what you mean! I'm in between poor and rich with good friends and relatives. Guess we're not news. You know what? I'm okay with that.
Comment by Stephanie Seibert on April 15, 2010 at 10:20pm
You and me both!!! I love this post, you're speaking to my heart. I especially LOVE "my home fails to be both reassuringly typical or an outrageous nightmare." :D We're just everyday moms!
Comment by forgetfulone on April 15, 2010 at 9:07pm
Ya, me too.

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