Do you ever just have a horrible day and think "Man... I'm just not enjoying this mom thing at all." And then feel guilty about it because oh my gosh, how could you not enjoy being a mom to your babies.
Uhm, easy. Babies can be freaking horrible.
I for one, and I've recently come to terms with this, think it is totally okay to not enjoy being a mom every once in awhile. Or all the time- I don't know, I don't know your life.
Let me tell you how my day has been-
If you read my blog before this you may have noticed all the meltdowns I have documented from the day. Well, today was 10x worse. Maybe 5x, I could be exaggerating.. I'm cranky.
After we were up pretty much all night, Brynlee woke up at her normal 6:30-6:45 time, because it doesn't matter if your kid didn't sleep.. they know it is time to get up.
She was completely
covered soaking in pee and poop. I mean, that diaper exploded for real. Of course I didn't know that until I picked her up and then I too was soaking in pee and poop.
Her teddy bears were both covered in it as well and one I was able to wash, but they other is bigger than her so I'm going to have to wash it by hand.
This happened TWICE today, by the way. And I had to run the wash cycle twice- horrible! What did I feed this poor kid?!
Enjoyable? Hah, no.
Does any mom really spend half their day cleaning poop saying "This is my favorite part of having kid!" ?
We went out with my cousin to Red Springs for a picnic and walk. She cried more than half the time and I ended up having to carry her- kicking and scream the rest of the way around. All while everyone passing us stared at me. Brynlee not my cousin haha.
Enjoyable? Definitely not.
Today if she wasn't sleeping she was screaming. She wanted me to pick her up and then put her right back down and then she would throw a fit because I wasn't holding her.
She was under my feet pushing and crying while I tried to cook dinner, wash her bottles, or simply get a drink of water.
If I was anywhere out of sight all hell broke lose.
How was any of that enjoyable?
I did not enjoy being a mother today. And screw it.. I'm not ashamed to admit it.
I put her down a little early for bed time because I was about to lose my mind if I didn't get some alone time.
I'm not here to tell you motherhood is fine and dandy every day. I'm not here to tell you even though you had a bad day you'll go to sleep that night loving motherhood. Because some days you won't.
And that's okay- you don't have to.
There will be days you will be out and think "This would be so much easier if I was by myself." Heck, there will be days you'll just want to be alone for a full 24 hours.
And thats okay!
I know I'm all for remembering these days are a blessing no matter what, but come on. I get it, it was a blessing, but please... can we have a better day tomorrow?
Can we all agree that sometimes babies/ toddlers just seriously suck? And be cool with not enjoying being a mom every once in awhile without the guilt?
I love my daughter. I love that little girl more than anything! But I'd be lying to you if I didn't say she makes me want to cry sometimes haha!
So, yeah. Today I didn't enjoy being a mom at all, but I love her just the same. Tomorrow is a new day! Don't feel guilty if you had one of these days or have these days! We may be awesome as hell because ya know.. we are women, but it is okay to just want a break.
By the way, honey... I need a vacation.
Those who live in Vegas- have you ever been here? It's beautiful!
My beautiful little devil child. Enjoying life and thinking "In 10 minutes I'm going to make my mommy wish she didn't bring me here!" I'm on to you, kiddo.